"AYB" This is what mission president and his wonderful wife (Sister Parkin) used to say to us. It stood for Are You Building? Meaning, when you speak are you building up a person, or are you in fact tearing them down. That has really stuck with me, I need to implement it more into our family life.
On this same note; my little cousin Crystal did one of the most fascinating science projects last year. She took identical house plants- watered them exactly the same amount and kept them in the exact same sunny kitchen window. But each day she would speak very kindly to one, the other plant she would take into the bathroom and say really mean things to(this was really hard for her to do, she's one of the sweetest girls you will EVER meet). Over the course of 1 week the plant that she spoke kindly to thrived, and the other one slowly died. Even after the first few days the plant started to droop. Just writing that honestly makes me want to cry. So having seen this experiment she did with a PLANT, just think how utterly powerful our words are to those around us. Especially our children who thrive on our every compliment, every mean word or look, and every ounce of praise or approval. As one man said on Oprah, "Do your eyes light up when your kids walk in the room?" What a gift to give our kids, when they walk into a room, can they tell how much we adore them even with all the $150 plumber bill you just paid? Now beleive you me, I know this is easier said than done. It's just something I think about- because I know I need to work on it.
Just remember all those spirits around you, adult or child, are even more sensitive to your words than the house plant that slowly died in a weeks time because of cruel words.
AYB?
(real photos of Crystals plant photos soon to come)
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21 comments:
Wowee, that one made me think, it's not like I didn't know it but it's always great to be reminded. There is one child in particular in my house (you know who) that I have a difficult time "lighting up" over. I really need to work on that. I love the plant thing too. Several years ago I went to a fireside and this was mentioned. His point was, was that EVERYTHING that God has created has a spirit, thus the sad house plant when it's talked naughty too or played a freaky rock song. As always, thanks for your insights!
I love that! I love Sister Parkin. I think everything she says is wrapped in wisdom. It's a great mantra to have. You always build. You are very positive and see the good in people. You always have something uplifting to say, and you say it to people! I so admire that in you. Sometimes, I'm afraid I'll sound dorky if I make a compliment. But, you are never afraid to compliment all the time, and it is so genuine.
And I am extremely proud of you for handling the plumber's bill so well. Kudos! You should definitely reward yourself with chocolate cake for that one. :)
Okay, that almost made ME cry about the poor little plant! I'm gonna rememer this little AYB thingy--I like it--it's sooooo true.:) Thank you! By the way, you're photography is amazing! My sis up there in Payson wants you to take their next pics!! She loves your work!
Hey Jen and Jasper! So good to spy on your site and see how you guys are doing. I love all your pictures and your kids are beautiful!!
That is amazing! Thanks for sharing. I needed a reminder how deep our words go-good or bad. Love ya.
Thanks for that. I need work in that area too. That poor droopy plant makes me so sad, but what a brilliant lesson especially for us mom's and dad's. Sometimes we get so caught up in the moment we forget that words and actions can really cause irreversible damage.
holy cow, jen. i am continually impressed by your "deep thoughts" on your blog. are you always so contemplative? I wish I would have known you when you lived here. i could have learned some good things from you! this post was great for me because I speak to my kids in a way that i shouldn't far too much. it's a good reminder that I need to watch my mouth. thanks. -bethany
Crystal's plant experiment is fascinating! Almost unvelievable. It's funny that she took the plant into the bathroom so she could not be heard being mean. Wow, kids need love SO much!
I am going out today and buy some plants. This is such a great idea. THanks for your blog. You are building me. M
Of course you know I have been thinking along these lines lately too. It is so good to remind yourself that everything you say has an effect, positive or negative. I love "AYB" that's a great one to have on tap for those moments when I am not being so kind. Thanks for this post.
What a great reminder! I consider myself a positive person generally, but I realize that I'm negative around the people that matter most- my husband and son. Why is that? I love them so much! I will definitely be focusing my efforts to build them up!
that's a cool science project. i should have nat do the same thing and see if it works again!
That is amazing! Something we all definitely need to think about. I might even print that one out so I can be reminded daily to speak kindly to my little one and my husband.
Jen, I just love you. What amazing insights; they are such good things to think about everyday.
This is off-subject, but I love your Anne Taintor pics. They make me smile every time I see them, so I copied you and put a couple on my blog. So funny!
I needed to hear that I have a 11 year old who for the most part is totally unorganized, forgetful, and irresponsible but I know by tearing her down I don't do her any good...So thanks for that! I will work on it.
Very good points you make there. So did you say mean things to your plant or have you forgotten to water it? Because it is crying for help! I think that I am going to start saying mean things to my plants instead of my children when they do things that are upsetting and do my own experiment....you know see of the children like me more and see if the plants don't...
Wow - what a great post! I often feel guilty for what I say to my kids - having this visual now of the plants and thinking about my kids' innocent little spirits drooping just the same, makes me really stop and think. As always, thanks for always enlightening me.
Elder Holland gave the best talk ever on this subject a couple conferences ago. He quoted a line from the Apocrypha, “The stroke of the whip maketh marks in the flesh: but the stroke of the tongue breaketh the bones.”
And from James: “Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.” He speaks about how we treat our husbands or wives, and our children. "Sisters, there is no place in that magnificent spirit of yours for acerbic or abrasive expression of any kind, including gossip or backbiting or catty remarks." OK, just one more quote: "We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don’t say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child’s view of himself or herself. But it is even more important in shaping that child’s faith in us and their faith in God. Be constructive in your comments to a child—always. " Jen, I think we've talked about this talk before and how we love it because we're so rude sometimes...haha...but anyway, if anyone wants to read the whole talk, it's called "The Tongue of Angels" from April 2007 conference.
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=493785aa6bf22110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
This reminded me of a book a woman I know used in a Young Women's lesson. It's sort of along the same lines as talking nicely to one plant and negatively to another.
http://www.life-enthusiast.com/
twilight/research_emoto.htm
http://www.spiritofmaat.com/archive/
aug1/consciouswater.html
Jen,
You are so such a good example of this. I have only known you to be positive and uplifting to others. This is why I love to be around you. You are amazing by the way. I was on your photo blog and your photos (especially of little babies) almost brought me to tears. Thanks for your friendship and for being who you are.
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