sadness...just for a little while.

My little Tae.  She is one stubborn, sweet child.  Today I feel really sad for her.  I haven't felt sorry for her or for me in a really long time.  Like months.  I was on the phone ordering her insulin today and just listening to the recording talk about how they have special shoes, and make sure to get eyes checked, and blah blah blah.  Type 1 diabetes, I don't like you AT ALL today.  At all.  I don't want to have to worry about Tae losing her eye sight, or losing limbs, or her having a hard time getting pregnant, or one day her going so low that she enters a diabetic coma.  I don't like that we can't go anywhere without a blood sugar meter, and snacks.  Or that she can't go to most friends houses because they don't know how to take care of her. Today I hate that there is no cure.
I'm so thankful she's so aware of how she's feeling.  She told her teacher today she felt low, so she sent her down to the office right away.  She was only 42 (she should be 100-200).  That is really really low, dangerously low.  I'm so grateful she recognized how she was feeling and told her teacher.  I'm thankful and I'm mad at the same time.  I'm mad that she's only 5 and has to worry about that.  I'm mad that she asks me if she's too high, and if her eyes won't work one day.  We've been really open and honest with her and we want her to have all the information so she knows why I won't let her eat junk. I don't ever want her to feel like she's somehow broken, even though, she is.  I know we are so blessed, so why should be sad about this?  If it were me who had Type 1, great, but her...she's my baby.  I don't like it.  I hate that there is no light at the end of the tunnel...it just gets darker.  I am however, thankful she's healthy and we've been so blessed in so many way. I've spent the morning crying. So now I'll just get on with my day and be done with feeling sad. Focus on the good.  Focus on the good.  I don't write so anyone feels bad, I write so I'll feel better.

Chasey says....

Chase talks non stop.  In very distinct methodical (almost) perfect sentences, taking small breaths in between each word.  He often starts his sentence with "last morning....".
Yesterday I asked him what he wanted to do that day, he said "NOT go to church!"  Today when I asked he said "play football again.  I buy a helmet and Jaren tackle me.  Ready, set, hike!"  He loves to play flag football with the boys.  It's really hilarious to watch.  Later I asked, what else do you love?  "I don't know.  I don't love church."  Do you sense a theme?  "...I don't want to go to church again"

he won't be cold today

Mr. Tanner gets cold very easily.  Kind of like his mama.  Today he came down stairs all ready for school.  He had on...3 shirts, 2 pairs of socks, shoes, jeans and dun dun dun, SIX pairs of under ware.  I suppose he doesn't want any jewels to get very chili.
He cracks me up every day.
If he doesn't' remember any dreams from the previous night he either says "mom! i never fell asleep!" Or, "My dream was just black all night".
I love him.