Jarens Baptism

On Thanksgiving day Jaren was baptized by his pretty handsome Dad, Jasper. It was such a beautiful day. Jeff (Jarens Uncle gave a talk on Baptism, and my Dad on the Holy Ghost. He talked about how the holy ghost is like a transistor radio, and told a story of President Monson that was so touching. Jaren listened like a sponge and took everything in so grown up like. He's a pretty amazing kid. We're so so so proud of you Jaren!!

What was my vision?

Years ago when I was about 22 (not married) I was in a car with a friend when she asked me what I envisioned my life to be like in 10 years. To be honest I had never actually sat and tried to envision an evening in my house years from then. But it did make me stop and think after that conversation. Fast forward about 11 years. That often plays in my mind "is this what I envisioned?" Sometimes it's a resounding yes! and others, a big fat no. About 2 weeks ago I had a melt down after thinking about how little time I actually get to spend with my children on a school day. It's about 4-5 hours, at the most. Add in extra curricular activities and play dates and we're down to 2 or 3. Then I thought about what we do in that time. Get ready for school, eat breakfast, read scriptures, homework, piano, dinner, getting ready for bed. Then the "extra" time... t.v, computer, video games. I'm at fault here as well. I find myself getting on the computer or the phone during some of the most critical times of the day. I looked around that day and saw the boys playing a video game, Maddie watching t.v, Tae watching something on my lap top, and I was on my computer. It sank me a little. OK, a lot. Here is this precious time being swept away into crazy cyber space. So I had my melt down and cried to Jasper about the media plague I had witnessed. I told him "this isn't what I envisioned..." We went on about talking about other issues on the table that night. Later Jazz came back to me and said that line had struck a chord with him. So he thought we should change things. No we have 1 free hour when the kids get home from school where they can play a game, or watch t.v. Then all media goes off. Even for me and Jasper. We try not to talk on the phone from 5-bedtime as well. I can't tell you the difference it's made for me. The kids are totally on board and most days the t.v or video games don't get turned on at all.
When I lived in Denver I remember sitting at a park with my besties, Mary and Michele. Michele and I were both preggers and our kids had run off. We kept yelling at them to come back. They SO weren't into listening to us. But we still sat and yelled and got frustrated. Mary finally said "you know, sometimes parenting means getting off your butt". I thought that was hilarious. But it's SO true. I know so many times I know I want something to go a certain way, or my kids to do something this way or that way, but do I take the time to actually teach them? Or to DO something about what I want? So many times I just think it'll come and I don't get off my butt. So...I'm trying to get off my booo-tay and make better use of the precious family time we have together.
I'm only sharing this to make myself stick to it. I have faith in my ability to stay off my butt. I think.

Things that matter most

This talk from conference really spoke to me today as I read it. I just picked out my very favorite parts...I'd love to hear YOUR thoughts...

"Of Things That Matter Most" by Pres. Uchtdorf

"Let's be honest, it's rather easy to be busy. We all can think up lists of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that our self worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia- even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives...

There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks. The wise resist the temptation to get caught up the frantic rush of everyday life. They follow the advice "There is more to life than increasing it's speed." In short, they focus on the things that matter most. We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families. There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions. Leonardo da Vinci said "simplicity is the ultimate sophistication" We would do well to slow down a little, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most. Let us be mindful of the foundational precepts our Heavenly Father has given to His children that will set the foundation for a rich and fruitful life with promises of eternal happiness. For it is not requisite that we should run faster than we have strength. But it is expedient that we should be diligent, and thereby win the prize....

No other success can compensate for failure in the home....in family relationships love is spelled t-i-m-e. Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. I comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most. Let us simplify our lives a little, make the changes necessary to refocus our lives on the sublime beauty of the simple, humble path of Christian discipleship-the path that leads always toward a life of meaning, gladness, and peace."

The gift of childhood

This is just one reason I love photographs. I don't remember this moment of being read to by my oh so young, dashing father. But seeing it makes me feel like I do. It does make the memories of my childhood flood into my mind and heart. I remember one afternoon laying on my parents bed next to my dad in Payson, I was probably 8. We were listening to the theme song from Chariots of Fire. As we listened he asked me what I thought of when I listened to the music. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I do remember talking about the stars in the night sky. For some reason this is a memory I've chosen to hold safe in my heart. A simple, yet for me, intimate moment. I know I felt safe, I felt loved. I felt that I was being asked my opinion and it mattered even though I was a child. Then I think back to our trips to Disneyland, do I remember that? Yes, parts. Did I feel like I did while laying on that bed listening to music? Nope.

When I see this image, I simply feel. All good things.



Sometimes I forget how much the small moments count. The moments where I stop what I'm doing and look at the child talking to me- in the eyes, on their level. I forget that I'm responsible this time for creating those tender moments with my own children. Ones that are simple. Moments, and hopefully memories where they will feel safe, feel loved and feel like they matter. They matter more than anything I am doing. Moments that when they are 34 when they think back to those moments they feel like a child all over again. Now it's my turn to give the gift that I was given.

Halloween

We actually went to St. George for Halloween, it was so SO nice to be in a warmer climate for Trick or Treating. Let's be honest, I want to Trick or Treat for much longer than my kids do. Because I'm the one who has the candy problem. Today Chase dropped something behind my bed, I looked back there. It was scary. Wrappers GALORE! Dove, Ghirradeli, Lindor, Lindt....ya, they were all back there. My life savings spent on chocolate. Do I regret it? Never.
Their costumes:
Chase is pretty happy don't you think? ha!

and a few more from St. George:

Chasers

Chasey face, Chasers, Chucky, Chache....the many "ch" names of baby Chase. Oh how I love him. Can't imagine our life without him. I'm finally starting to feel like I can be done having kids. It's a weird feeling. It feels good. Like now I can move on to a new chapter in our lives. Next year I'll only have Chase home with me full time. SO weird. And yet, it feels like yesterday I was changing diapers all day....3 kids in diapers, constant whining (although we still have a lot of whining), I had to be the source of entertainment...or I'd leave it to Dora. And now, life just feels a little easier. Like I can breathe again. It's really nice, I'm not going to lie. Kids play with each other, they clean up (for the most part) after themselves when I ask, they help around the house, the big kids take care of Chase, it's really amazing just seeing the kids all work together, fight together, whine together, and yet love each other in the end.
I can't believe how big he is. He melts my heart. He says a few words:
mom
dad
nene
papa
hi
bye
and what resemble I want that

Then he does a whole lot of pointing and "uh uh uh"ing. He thinks it's funny when he gets in trouble. Problem is, I do too.

Madsie

i asked her to tell me about her life right now; "I'm in 4th grade and my teacher is Mrs. Harris. I'm having a really good time, but I'm struggling with math because it's too weird and confusing and awkward at the same time! I love to be funny and hang out with friends. And I love, I mean, LOVE art and swimming. I try to be helpful around the house, but I hate chores. I hate boys except for the boys in my family. Trying to save my money for college. My favorite color is purple. Taelyn my evil twin sister always destroys my things! I am always in to fashion. And you are the best mother dear."

Jaren

Let me give you a scene at church;
I'm in the hall in between classes. The primary kids are changing classes as well. Each class passes by me. Maddie sees me, she gives me her shy smile, tilted head sweetness, keeps her elbow close to her body and waves and says "hi mom!!" and might give me a quick squeeze.
Next Tanner walks by, he sees me and RUNS to me, huge smile across his face, and hugs me as tight as he can. He keeps hugging me until I tell him it's time to go back to class.
Along walks Jaren. If you didn't know he was mine before, you still wouldn't know. In fact, you definitely think he wasn't mine. He doesn't even acknowledge me. Simply walks by, not a glance, not a smile. I know you're thinking, well maybe he doesn't see you. Oh yes, yes he does. A year or so ago I stopped him and kissed him in the hall. He dropped to the floor and started crying. Now that he's a little older, I've learned my lesson and I just say hi. :) Sometimes I'll get a smile. Sometimes I don't.
Tae sees me and just waves frantically and smiles from ear to ear.
Having said this....he is one sweet sweet boy. We had his birthday party yesterday. He wanted to play flag football. It was really great to watch them. I'm so proud of what a great kid he is. He's always been a sponge...my little observer, taking everything in and remembering it all. And so tender hearted.


"How do you feel about turning 8?"

"It's good. I'll get baptized. And I'll get to talk with the bishop. I like to play soccer and football, have birthday parties and playing with Tanner."

Short and sweet. :)

Tanners missing tooth

Tanner lost his first tooth! He was so excited! He kept asking me to pull it out. I'd rather die. It made me cringe to even wiggle it a lot. After patiently waiting, it finally fell out. He says "I feel like I'm 16" now that he has a missing tooth. He loves football and doesn't like girls. He is a crack up. He his this crazy ability to make me laugh when I'm mad at him. It's actually really frustrating.

I told him to tell me about his life right now.... this is what I got: "my life is so good because I'm a kid, and I fell in a fire before, I almost died. I like doing stuff like playing with friends. I like playing jumping on the tramp. And I don't like girls, I don't know why I don't like girls."



That smile just makes me weak.

60 miles

This morning as I laid in bed with Taelyn snuggled next to me, I said "do you know how much I love you?" She said "Yes! 60 miles and never ending".

That's right Tae Tae, that's right.

Tae Tae

The messes that a girl named Taelyn makes are a little different than the ones boys make:

Can't fight this feeling anymore....

I have been thinking, ever since this post about how true my Dad's words were. I keep seeing my little family grow up right before my eyes. It's haunting to me. And yet, joyful at the same time. I am so afraid I will look back at this precious time in my life- the time where we all eat dinner together every night, where the children are all tucked in their warm beds, safe and sound at 8pm, the time where everyone still wants to be cuddled and read to- wishing I had really treasured this time in my life, and lives of my children. They are a riot. Almost every conversation is actually hilarious. They love me. A lot. They need me. Sometimes too much. But I know, one day, I'll wish they needed me more.

The days of looking down my own bench at church and assessing all need in one quick swoop will soon be a fleeting memory. One that I don't want associated with regret.

A few lines I really love from the conference talk given by Julie Beck a few years back:

"Mothers who know build children into future leaders and are the primary examples of what leaders look like. They do not abandon their plan by succumbing to social pressure and worldly models of parenting. These wise mothers who know are selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most."

"Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of he world's goods in order to spend more time with their children-more time eating together, working, reading, talking, laughing, singing and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is prepare a rising generation...who will take the gospel to all the world...who will be builders of the Lord's kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power."

That, mothers, IS power. And a very real privilege. I must remind myself always that I am helping my Heavenly Father to raise his children. Children that in the pre earth life were my same age (I'm assuming), children that could have easily been my parents instead of me theirs. Strong, brave, delicate, loving, kind, forgiving, adoring, spirits that I get to look at every day.

I am blessed.

I never could have imagined the difficulty and reward of raising a family.
And to think only 2 years ago....

My basket is full....of laundry

I feel like my basket of full. Full of love.. Full of kids. Full of laundry. Full of toys. Full of dishes. Full of sand on the kitchen floor. Full of dirty toilets. Full of things to do. Full of gratitude. Full of places to drive. Full of the computer. Full of anxiety. Full of joy. Full of guilt. Full of recipes I want to cook, but don't find the time. Full of whispering. Full of loudness. Full of wondering. Wondering if my basket could handle one more babes. Hubby says, out basket is overflowing. No. Time for me to not wonder any more. But it's so hard.

Little Lady Tae Tae

I can't even tell you how much I adore this little madam. She is hilarious. Everything that comes out of her mouth is just a riot. She loves to sing songs that she makes up. Play with her bestie Paige. And pretend. Always pretend. And small things, she loves small things. And throwing tantrums. She's very good at that.
I love these pictures because they are so HER. I just followed her around the front yard for 5 minutes. She loves to fill purses with tiny things she loves. And her "eye-a-scope", and pretending to talk on her phone.

Miss Madeline

How I adore this girl. She always wants to talk at night when she should be going to bed. It's really cute. She tells me about making wishes on stars, and how sometimes they come true, but this last time didn't go exactly as she's planned. She wanted to know if a boy liked her. :) OR, the other day she asked "how old were you when you found out you were going to have Chase?" "32" "Wow Mom, that's WAY too old to have a baby!". I remember thinking my mom was old when she was as old as I am. Oh, how wrong I was. I still don't even know what I'm doing being a mom.
She likes to say things like "that adds the feminine touch" or "that's so stylish". Some favorite words are still "literally, odd and technically." She has the biggest heart. Takes such good care of her siblings. Is always willing to help and never wants us to be disappointed in her. I'm so lucky to have her for a small season of time in my home. I'm already sad for that day when she moves out! waaaah!

Summer time

At the park...

San Fran

I have felt so overwhelmed at the thought of playing catch up on this blog, that I just never do it. So, now I'm thinking, I won't do catch up, just move forward. There, my anxiety is diminishing already. :)
Jasper and I went to San Francisco a few weeks ago with our grand friends Greg and Emily. It was amazing. It was only for 3 days but I can't even tell you how refreshing it is to just get away from the life of mommying for a bit. It's so rejuvenating. I highly recommend it. A few photos from our trip:

They are very out of order. But that's OK. We went all over the city, to 2 Giants games, and ate tons of delicious food. The best part was being yelled at by a crazy lady on the bus. "Step down you idiots! what do you think that door will just open magically?!!!!" It was so so funny. It was fab feeling so free. One night after a game we decided to get on a bus and go to get pizza in the little Italy section. It was soooo good. Oh heaven.
Let's just start with chocolate:

The trolly, where I later found out Jasper didn't love. He had a guy facing him resting his manly parts on Jasper's knee the whole time. (we were sitting facing outward and he and his wife were standing facing us) It's too funny not to mention.


Me and Emily at the game. The boys were really sick of taking pics by then. Well, they were sick of it after the first picture, who are we kidding?

This is funny because Jasper had just hit his head SO HARD on that dang sign. hahahaha

We're so pretty...





On the way home we stopped at the Muir Woods. It was so gorgeous. "Walk softly and listen to the heartbeat of the earth". hahahahaha.

Jasper loves maps. What can I say?