Girlie as they come

Madeline loves to create her own spaces. She's had the top of her bunk bed like this for weeks now and it just dawned on me that I needed o photograph it. How cute is she?

My trouble maker Gap model wanna be

I'm editing and came across this...how adorable is he?! I'm telling you- he's irresistible for a reason, it saves him way way too often. Like after he's done something naughty and he gets this huge grin across his face and it makes me just want to laugh. Or when he knows he's in trouble so he gently grabs my face and says "I'm so so so sorry Mom, I love you so much" Over and over...melting really. I love you soooo much T!

I did it!

I edited a photo of my OWN KIDS! :) Ok, so I've only done this one, but it's better than nothing! I love you kidlings!!!

Longing

Last Sunday I went to a primary inservice meeting. It was really good. As I sat there listening to one of the members of our bishopric speak I noticed how he held the scriptures. And bam, I remembered how I felt about the scriptures on my mission. He picked them up so carefully, and used them, you could tell he cherishes them. I remembered loving getting up early to read from them. I needed them. I felt lost when I didn't read from them. I started to get so choked up just from the mere feeling of remembering how I used to feel about them. I want that again. I need that again. I have known that I'd benefit greatly from immersing myself in them again, but at that moment I actually felt what I would feel like if I did. What a precious time of my life my mission was. Rarely does a day go by that I don't think about someone, a feeling, a place, or a smell from my 18 months in London. It just reiterated to me how much I need to make them a central part of my life again. How badly I want to live my life with the spirit completely present to help me be a good mom, friend, and wife. So I'm recommitting myself, because I want to, not because I feel like it's what I "should do". :) Thank you.

So in the spirit of my mission, I've posted a few pics...it's been way too long since I looked at these.

This was one of my very very favorite families.  They were amazing, from Congo.  They liked to feed us whenever we came, they'd put all the food on one plate and we'd all sit on the floor and eat together with our hands.  Except the time they fed us the fish with the eye ball staring right at me.  Ewe.

Eating foo-foo.  A classic African food.  It's like the consistency of really thick mashed potatoes, you eat it with peanut soup or another kind...yummm.  And you don't chew it, just swallow.  :)  Notice Bonnie Parkin at the table?  :)  I love her!!
This is one of my very best friends, Venessa, we were companions 3 times.  Unfortunately she lives in England.  :(  Waaahh.
Another BFF, she lives in NY.  I LOVE YOU AMY!!  As you can see I'm eating chocolate.  The love of my life.  


I love this city so much! One day I'll go back...

When I'm on the phone...

THIS is what happens. And I was only 10 feet away. Shampoo all over her head. She thought it was hilarious until I had to put her in the shower. She LOVES to pump the shampoo and conditioner out...until it's gone.

a week of 32 & Happy Day Mama!

My friend Emily is taking a photography class...so I was an "assignment" for using different angles. It was SO WEIRD to be in front of the camera instead of behind it.




I have THE BEST mom ever. She is all of the things I aspire to be like, for instance:
She has ENDLESS patience- this is an understatement
She is not judgemental- AT ALL.
She is kind hearted
She loves everyone
She does not get offended. Really and truly. Hence her ability to say untactful things and not realize it may offend someone else. :) I love that about her
ie: when I was nursing 2 children at once and pumping for my neighbors adopted newborn I wasn't exactly out to tell anyone. But while she was at my house when I had Jay she kindly called her entire family and mentions "Jen is tandom nursing the two kids" to everyone! Hello mom! :) Seemed a bit private at the time, however I could care less if she bore her testimony about it now.
She is always up for a laugh
She's an amazing seamstress
She doesn't seem to get stressed
She is always there to talk to
She is completely Christ-like.
I LOVE YOU MOM! Happy 29th bday! :)


Anyway, so my first week of being "old" has reminded me how bad I am at balance. It's like I know "how" but then I can't just do it. I feel like I'm refusing to look at the staff and live. Instead I'll just sit at my computer and edit other people's photos (I have HOURS AND HOURS worth), but not my own.
So how do you all do it? How do you balance and feel like a good mom at the end of the day while continuing to nourish your own spirit? The crazy thing is I could answer this for myself quite easily and I feel like I've been given answers from Heavenly Father time and time again....and yet I'm still the same. :) So I need to start setting some goals again!
So my goals for this week are to:
Read my scriptures every day- hard for me lately.
Pray in the mornings
Say no to extra time consuming activities
Put my children first
Be able to stop the computer madness when I need to. :)
Just so you know, I am actually feeling really good these days, I'm not depressed, or even sad, just frustrated wondering how I can be better...a little inspiration please...

32 & 5

So I am officially now 32 years old.  This is the number I used to think of as "old".  I thought I'd be so mature, and grand.  But really I'm still just me.   :)  This is me talking to my mama this morning- well yesterday morning- it's the a.m. now.  Toniht I remembered my Bday 10 years ago. I was living with my bosom buddy Mel . I had just turned down Jasper for good. No more "I want to marry you talk". We hadn't been speaking to eachother for a good week or so, the doorbell rang. There was a guy with a vase full of pink & yellow roses. For me. I looked at the card. This was ALL is said: "One rose for each of your moods". I laughed so hard. It was of course from Jasper. Poor poor Jasper. So discouraged at my mood swings. Little did he know he would actually have to deal with them the rest of his life. :)
I would just like to point out my smokers lip in this pic.  And yet, I have never smoked.  What's up with that? 

Thanks so much to all of my amazing friends and family for making it such a fab-o day-o. I even had one of my fave clients drive to my house and give me cookies and a card. HELLO niceness. Aislinn, that was so sweet of you. I love it when clients become friends! I heart you. You're cookies too. And Em, Dinner was SO good! And Mama Mia...so fun ladies of the night. And so inappropriate you are. :)

Now this is me telling my mama that I am giving her another grandbaby in March. It's my bday present to her. She enjoyed it.
Remember how CONFUSED I was about having another child? Let me just say to you that Heavenly Father does not leave it completely up to you if you ASK. I had such an amazing experience. I KNEW that it was time. I was told, in exact words.  What was so amazing is that when I received an answer to this question that I had been asking myself, my husband, and Heavenly Father it kind of came out of no where. In moment of silence. It was amazing. It was something I will never ever forget. And I will be eternally grateful for the power of prayer.
It's amazing to me how done I felt. Complete really, until about 8-9 months ago when I started to almost panic about this certain sense of urgency I was feeling to "make a decision" , and yet we had already made it. It went on and on and yet I was softening and Jazzy baby was not. And I for one did not want another babes if husband of mine didn't. But how could we feel SO different? Well, really I just still felt confused by it all. Time went on and I began to resign to the fact that we were just done. Then the feelings started all over again. And finally I began to pray more and more about it. Wanting us to be on the same page either way. The answer came when I wasn't expecting it, months after I had begun to ask. I believe God was somehow softening and preparing both of us for the answer. 5 kids (to me) is a lot of kids. A lot of whining, a lot of disasters, but a whole life, and eternity of love.
What a gift that adult session way back when was. I loved how they talked about having children. What a BLESSING they are. What a GIIFT they are. Now I'd like to send out some major good hormone vibes to those women whom have had a hard time getting pregnant. What an enormous trial to bare. Loves to you all!!!! From the very bottom of my heart.
Anyhow...that's that. Got a babes in the belly.
p.s. tell me happy bday and that I will not gain more than 50 LBS this time. Oh, and you can tell me I look pretty too. :)

Bye bye summer

Hello SCHOOL! Jay started Kindergarten this year. It's so strange to only have 2 kids at home. But I must admit, I like it. :) I thought J would be a little scared to start, but he wasn't even sad to see me leave. We were lined up outside and I leaned down and whispered "do you want me to walk you inside?" He just looked at me and said, "no". What the!? So I secretly followed him inside anyway. Such a good boy.
And little lou lou is loving school...hallelujah!

So yesterday J and T went into the kitchen to do their chores. J does silverware. I come down about 30 min. later and see that he has emptied the ENTIRE dishwasher, AND loaded it...by himself!! Then T cleaned the entire front room alone...neither of them have ever done that before! I'm so giving them all more jobs. :)

I'm still feeling so sad over this last post about Nie. Can you imagine being burned over 80% of your body? Her sisters blog is so touching. She's an amazing writer and I just want to cry reading her posts. If you haven't read it, it's so worth your time. I'm really counting my blessings today. How blessed I am to have 4 healthy children, a wonderful husband, the gospel of Jesus Christ, a body that operates properly, I live in the United States where I am free. My kids give me hugs, and kisses, and more kisses until I have to tell them to "leave mom alone". I have such rewarding relationships with friends and family members. What else matters besides the relationships we cultivate and take with us into the next life. When we lift eachother up, it only makes up happier. What a gift.

Last month in the Ensign, there were 2 aticles I loved- the first one  was about finding the laughter in the everyday chaos of mother hood; trying to laugh at the most frustrating of situations.  These were a few of my favorite lines:

"I’ve learned some of life’s most valuable lessons from preschool children: to greet each day with enthusiasm and eagerness; to pursue adventure despite obstacles; to delight in new discoveries; to enjoy spontaneous fun; to regard the eating of toothpaste and the emptying of sand-filled shoes on the carpet as minor problems, not major catastrophes.

I had thought my college classes prepared me to control my environment so things would always go smoothly. But I’ve learned that when five children are hungry or tired or both, things don’t go smoothly. When I accept this as an inevitable—even adventurous—part of daily living, I can be more flexible and less demanding. When I can scoop my mud-covered two-year-old into my arms and deposit her into the bathtub for an unscheduled bath—and remain unruffled—I know I’m making progress."
I loved this one because I so often get so overwhelmed by a mess in the kitchen, or the mud tracked through the house, or Tae eating an entire bag of M&M's (as in the BIG bags) without my knowing. Yes, happened this morning. That's why I love blogs, they help me laugh about posting something mischievous my kids have done.

I really 

Another amazing article about motherhood, was this one. 

You won't regret taking the time to read it.