Bipolar Sundays

First off, I'd like to attribute the name to Emily. One of her sisters called her this one day. And this is why I feel more inclined to share. I know I'm not alone.

So every week the Sunday beast arrives in me. The bipolar Jen presents herself. I don't know why, and how to make it go away or what it wants. I've tried to simply feed it chocolate, but it is not appeased. I wake up Sunday morning ready to have a peaceful, wonderful Sunday.

I will get ready before all of the children have even awaken. I will have a hot breakfast on the table. As they come down the stairs there will be music playing. They'll enter the kitchen and I'll smile, wipe my hands on my apron and kiss them softly on the forehead. They'll...all 5 of them, calmly make their way to the table, even though Chase can't walk, he'll somehow crawl down the stairs- because after all, I do have the most talented kids alive. They'll eat peacefully, complimenting my meal, and take their dishes to the dishwasher and load them. Then tinker upstairs and get dressed for church in the clothes I ironed and set out for them the night before. After they're dressed, (and I didn't even have to ask them to) I'll fix their hair in cute braids like the polygamists ...OK, so I wouldn't do that, but it'll be one of those amazing hair do's off the internet. Then we'll all sit down and read while we wait for 10:45 to come, hoping Jasper is enjoying his short meetings as much as I am being with our perfect children. We'll quietly get in the car and drive to church. Arriving no later than 10:50. Our bench will behave with utmost respect and reverence. Then home to eat the dinner I already put in the crock pot before church. We'll enjoy the rest of the day clothing the naked and visiting the sick. It's perfect. You get the idea.

This is more like it:

The kids get up. I stayed up too late on Saturday night. They come to the side of my bed where I'm still sleeping, "mom, can we have sugar cereal?" "No, That's only for Saturday, you know that." "but moooooom, please please please" "No sweetie, please don't ask me again" "But Maddie got way more than me"

My day has begun.

They all get their own cereal. I don't know if they actually ate the sugar cereal or not. I get in the shower. But before I do, I yell down for them to all get dressed when they're done eating. I get out. No body is dressed. Dominoes scatter the entire living room floor, and a fort has been made. I help them all get dressed. What should take 5 minutes, take 25. The boys keep asking WHY they HAVE to tuck IN their shirts? Tanner wants to just wear flip flops. It's January.

Chase is crawling around finding all possible choking hazards to insert in his mouth.

I try doing the girls hair in a cute braid, the non-polygamist kind, "I don't like that" the nine year old will say. " OK, then what do you like? "I don't care, just do what you want". Alrighty then....moving on to the boys. "I want a mohawk!" "We don't wear mohawks to church". You get the idea.

Chase takes a nap everyday at 9:30. It's Sunday, so he'll decide to just cry for 45 minutes instead of sleeping. The decibels in my house are substantially rising. I find Taelyn under the table with stolen candy.

We're late for church. somehow what takes 30 minutes to get the kids ready for school, takes 2.5 hours to get ready for church. I wish Jasper were home. I feel guilty for wishing this. Not much time for our reading and reflecting. I don't eat at all. I have mascara on only one eye. I yell at everyone to get the car. I don't put coats on anyone. I forget the snacks because I have gone back to put mascara on the other eye. Oh, and then I remember deodorant. Thank goodness. I almost forget baby Chase. I get him up. He's pooped all up his back. Time to find new clothes. Oh, what's that? No clean clothes? Laundry day in on Monday. I dig something out.

On the way to church Tanner informs me he has a talk today in Primary. No body actually got buckled, except Madeline. Jaren and Tan are in the back turned around pretending to drive a spaceship. They've already asked to ride in the very very back. Got turned down. I look in my rear view mirror and see Chases huge smiling face. I have forgotten to buckle him. He's wiggled and squirmed, turned around and stood up in his car seat. This makes me laugh. Luckily it's only a mile drive to church and we're almost there.

Everyone gets out. We're barely on time! It's a miracle! Time to sit. It's been 5 minutes. "I'm bored" I hear. "I'm hungry" "I'm thirsty" "Can I go sit with Savannah?" "I want to sit with Paige!" "I never get to sit with friends" Tanner cocks his scripture gun and turns around, aiming at all the old people behind us. Jasper busts out the gum.

Peace at last, they all go to primary. I sometimes make it class. I sometimes walk the halls with Chasey face. Which, truly I don't mind. I've made some dear friends this way. We head home. With out Jasper.

Now up to this point, my day has actually been quite successful. For me anyway.

The kids change their clothes into their pj's. It's a Sunday thing. They love it. Go downstairs and have to clean up the breakfast dishes. I get everyone a snack, at least 2 kids don't want what I fix. Things are looking OK still.

Then BAM, something over takes me. All of a sudden everything bugs me, the pantry that isn't organized. And hasn't been for a month. It makes me crazy. It's the weirdest thing. Really and truly, it's like horrible PMS that just hits on Sunday afternoon. Even if I've been really spiritually uplifted at church. It's like my bad mood just kicks in and I feel so helpless. And it's way worse than a normal 'bad mood'. It's almost like I'm on the verge of a meltdown. I can't cope with anything. Sometimes I take a quick nap and that helps. Jasper is so good, he cleans up after everyone and totally helps. Just stays far far away from me. :) He's a smart man.

So....what is going on? Why does this happen? I don't ACTUALLY have those perfection expectations. Not after having more than one child. :) But who knows, maybe deep down that is why. Maybe I secretly wish things would go perfect. Jasper says maybe it makes me crazy trying not to do house work on Sundays. Has this happened to anyone else, or am I (and Emily) just a freak? Just to warn you, if you'd like to say I'm a freak, just don't say it on Sunday. You may not be alive Monday morning. :)

Even sweet Maddie has noticed my bipolarness. Last night when I was putting her to bed she said to me, "mom, just try really hard not to yell at us tomorrow. When you feel like you want to, just hold your anger in and say...Maddie, will you please do this for me? and I will!" Ya, how precious is she? I need some Sunday meds.

Needless to say, this is our life. Most days our life runs like this. I'm not ashamed. It's life. Granted I do have bits of madness daily. But not like on Sundays. I actually don't mind Sunday mornings, or church for that matter, it's AFTER church when the chaos has somewhat subsided that my crazy kicks in. I don't feel like I need to change our routine or anything, I feel good about that. It's not perfect, but it works for us. It's the aftermath of the spiritual high that's just plain weird.

On this note...

I Thought when I got married I had learned it all, now I was to simply multiply and replenish the earth and impart all my wisdom to my posterity. Oh, how wrong I was.