Friends...

I will admit, I have had less time to blog, but really...how long does blogging take? Not that much time. It seems Facebook has taken over some of my blogging needs. Sad. I know. I love to blog, it's such a perfect journal. Michelle and Emily were at my house tonight and Michelle told me I'm a slacker at blogging lately. OK, so really not those words. But I started to think of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful plethora of friends. I feel so blessed. When we moved here, I hated it. I kept waiting for someone to knock on my door and tell me they wanted to be my friend. I guess I thought that's how it should work in Utah. All these mormons everywhere. Where was my plate of cookies, my homemade bread and jam, or green jell-o with carrots (eww)? Months passed, and that never happened. I got sadder and sadder. Church was OK, but I just couldn't seem to connect with anyone....except my dear friend Kim who really embraced me right away. Thanks Kim! But I still felt like I didn't "fit in". I thought that by moving to Utah I'd have a great welcoming committee. But honestly, I have been in 6 wards in 9 years- the ones outside of Utah were sadly always more aware of the new people. I wonder if it's because we all clung to each other. When someone new would move in, everyone was excited. Anyhow...that's a large generalization, and I'm sure it's not totally true. But it is my experience. Moving on....I was sitting in Relief Society one Sunday- they asked if anyone was new. A girl sitting next to me leaned over and whispered, "Aren't you knew?" I turned to hear and said "no, I've been here 5 months". It was my breaking point, I burst into a full out cry. I was in the back of the room seriously sobbing. Like, really sobbing, people kept looking back at me. But I wasn't brave enough to get up and walk out of the room. I blame it partially on being 3 months pregnant at the time. But I was so sad. I had been there for months and still I felt like nobody had noticed me (except Kim). It was a really hard time for me. I'm the type of person who NEEDS people, I need friends. Good ones. After my mature outburst at church it dawned on me that I needed to be the one to go out and meet people. I'd just been waiting around. I wanted to be approached instead of the one approaching. In my ward previous I'd known almost all the women. I loved them...I had made a goal in the ward to try and meet someone knew every Sunday. It was fabulous. Finally I got brave and did the same in my new ward. I started talking to people. And guess what, they weren't mean to me. What was I so afraid of? I mean, really, I'd never ever tried speaking to someone and had a bad experience. No one ever said, "No, I don't want to be your friend you freak". But yet it took me almost 6 months to finally take control and start being myself.

At this point, I'm really babbling. I now love love love my ward, my neighborhood and my dear friends. It's now probably my very favorite ward and neighborhood. Many times I have to remind myself that now that I'm comfortable, I need to go out of my way to look for those who were like me....feeling totally alone and wanting more than anything to be spoken to. To be noticed. To be loved. To be needed. Why does it seem harder to make friends as we get older? We get so caught up in our everyday lives and routines, it's not habit to look around and see who may need a kind word. So...I'm going to again challenge myself to meet a new person each week. To look for someone who needs to be noticed.

Anyone else want to join me? :)