Having a newbie and starting all over again has started me thinking about when I had my first babes. And all of the things nobody told me. I read all there was to read about pregnancy and the birth. But then I had this babes placed in my arms. I got home. I had no idea what to even put in a diaper bag!
Nobody told me that I would cry for 3 days about absolutely nothing as my hormones had a party in my body. Nobody mentioned anything about hemorrhoids- let's be honest I thought only old people got those, nobody told me how I would feel totally overwhelmed one minute and bored the next. I remember thinking, I am such a fantastic mom. Then my baby turned 2. Thinking I was such grand mom stopped that year. :) All of a sudden I didn't always know what to do, my child got a mind of her own- a strong one at that, I wasn't as patient as I had always been and I was plagued with guilt.
I love love love my children...but motherhood (the job it's self) is a big, hard, often thankless job that I am still learning to love.
So what didn't "they" tell you?? Feel free to be anonymous. :)
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I'm not embarrassed. Nobody told me that I would cry more during my first bowel movement than all of labor. Oh, and that sex would hurt worse than the first time. It took me about three months to learn how to really enjoy that again. With all the tearing and stitches, things changed a bit in that department. Overall, I felt like so much attention was spent on labor (which was awful) that they forgot to tell me about the months and months of physical and emotional recovery. Luckily...Blessedly...things have improved greatly with each child and recovery has gotten progressively easier.
The more children I have, and the older they get, I come to realize that I know less and less than I originally thought about parenthood. Which is good, in a way, because it makes me rely more on faith and prayer.
Greg and I have always said that we should breed children. We'll raise them for the first three years and then give them to someone else once they get their own brain.
I think you are an amazing mother! I have yet to see you really "lose it" and your kids are so, so happy. They love you and adore you. It is so obvious.
The thing I was most surprised about was just how much I loved that baby. That sounds cheesey but that was probably the biggest surprise to me was how much I really loved that baby and thought he was the best thing in the world. It was just such a different love than I had ever known.
I guess I will find out in a few days!!! A friend of mine just had his first baby and he said as he was up in the middle of the night that he had been regretting some decisions he made 9 months ago. I will probably feel this way a lot in the next few months. However, I know I will love this baby...maybe even more than Molly!!!!
No one told me how much that 1st bowel movement after having the baby would HURT! I had a C section so didn't go #2 for days. And then finally when I could, I felt like I WAS GIVING BIRTH...to a piece of ...well you know.
No one told me that I would become a completely unrecognizeable monster that would in an instant bite the heads off of those I love the most...husband, Mama, and Sis. and then moments later bawl my eyes out from remorse and complete bewilderment at the monster living inside of me...Wasn't I supposed to be blissfully happy all the time now that I had my bundle of joy? Who woulda thunk it?
Yeah and the feeling pretty good about my Mama skills definately did end abruptly when my baby got a mind of his own...and to think I actually prided myself in the fact that I was soooo patient with him. Now I plead in prayer to be granted patience! :) Pride definately cometh before the fall!!
Nobody told me that I would completely lose my identity and have to put forth SO much effort just to be ME. I just don't have a whole lot to talk about when I sit at home with an 11 month old all day. Am I the only one who feels this way?
No one told me that you shouldn't punish yourself too badly for making mistakes. As a mother you will fall short many times, but you just need to pick yourself back up and keep trying. As long as you do this, you are not failing.
No one told me my body would become unrecognizable & never go back to the way it was (stupid magazines & hollywood show Moms out looking thin & fantastic only weeks after giving birth). Also, no one warned me that breast-feeding for the first couple of weeks would HURT (it got better, but I did want to quit a couple of times).
Last night we watched the movie Marley and Me, and it had this one scene where the couple is having a really hard time with two young kids, no sleep, etc., and they're making up from a fight and she says something to that effect--that nobody told her it would be so hard. (I think the husband says that people did tell them, but they didn't think it would apply to them!) But then she says that she lost so much of who she was by choosing to stay home, but that she feels like a bad person saying that. I can't remember what else she says, but she says that even though it's hard and she feels like she lost a lot of herself, she did make the choice and she doesn't regret it. It was a really good scene, though I wasn't really in love with the rest of the movie. Just so true to life about how you feel.
I think the only thing that surprised me was that I actually was bored sometimes...because I'd always heard it was going to be so hard and busy, I was surprised not to be really busy all the time, but bored. I went from two jobs and full time school to being a full time mom, so that was a huge change, and it really was like losing a part of myself. I just had to remember that it was being replaced with a different part, a very important mother part.
That your very own flesh and blood can be sooo obnoxious and annoying!
They never told me that your period would not be normal for a couple of months after you get it. I was so worried! Also, that you will never be able to hold your pee ever again. Ugh, I hate that!
I didn't believe them when they said that everybody has to learn to be a parent. I thought they were just joking.
I hope lots of non-mothers are reading this...I guess... maybe it would have been better not to know! I'm so far past this that I just miss the kids all having fun playing games on sunday afternoons. I do remember thinking I was tired of always being so concious of my body - down there- and wanting to just forget about it again. What in the world did those pioneer women do?????
Ummm, D-Rowls did not say anything in these comments.....
that patience would be SUCH a difficult attribute to possess. (at least for me). That my boobs would dissapear after nursing three kids 12+ months each. (And that sometimes my friend Victoria would not do her job keeping them up where they are supposed to be.) That I might never again finish a drink or meal on my own- without sharing it with one or more little ones. Or without someone climbing all over me. That it would be SO HARD.
There are days that I love it but other days I wonder what in the world I have gotten myself into.
Amen! Great post for one who is going into labor any day now with her second child... I am already crying for lack of sleep!
Nobody ever told me that your children grow up way to fast.
When I had my first baby I remember holding him crying.
My dad looked at me and said "What's wrong?"
I said "He's going to be a in kindergarten before I know it."
My dad said "He's only 2 days old."
Today my son is 17 years old. He will turn 18 in a few months and graduate high school.
Don't blink, they grow up WAY to fast.
No one every told me that everywhere I went I would feel like I was at the airport headed for a two week trip somewhere. HOLY COW, I carry a lot of stuff around. Even when I strip it down to the bare minimum its a lot!
And that I could be so entirely in love with a baby that doesn't look a thing like me or my husband. He was 10 days old when I first held him and I thought, "This little guy could be my baby? Wow, he is beautiful and so boyish looking I absolutely love it."
Nobody ever told me that I would have to shovel food in my mouth while standing at the counter trying to please all the kids at breakfast and lunchtime. And that I'd never really get to "sit" at the kitchen table and eat a hot meal.
Nobody told me that Nathan's "conehead" was normal. I freaked out when they laid him on my stomach after he was born. Why is his head so long? Is that supposed to be like that? And he's peeing on me! What have I given birth to?- a peeing alien?
And yeah- all of the other stuff that everyone said- the hemorrhoids, the first "bowel movement", that you'd bleed for so long after delivery... I about died when they brought in that huge "maxi pad" to wear. WHAT?! What the hell is that diaper for? And I'll be wearing those for how long? :-) And what's this little "squirt" bottle thing for that I need to fill with warm water when I use the bathroom? (I am definitely talking myself out of more kids.)
I'm six days postpartum with number two and I have to say that nobody ever told me that breastfeeding can feel like attaching a red-hot vacuum to your breast every couple hours round the clock. I am not a cussing person, but I really want to let the profanities fly. I feel like quitting twice a day.
Nobody warned me about the constipation after childbirth. Take those stool softeners!
I wish I'd known that a fever and no other symptoms in a five-month-old means you should take your kid to the doc ASAP because it could be a urinary tract infection requiring antibiotics to prevent friggin' kidney damage.
That some days I would feel like just staying in bed and crying, trying to figure out what happened to "me." That I would treat my husband like total crap and even though I need all the help and support I can get from him I would continually tell him to leave me alone just because I hate how I am treating him. That I would be utterly disappointed that I am not better at this and that just trying to be a mother is taking every bit of the rest of me away. That trying to do even the smallest of tasks seems overwhelming and then so depressing that I can't do them as well or as fast as I used to. That I am so in love with a person that leaves me feeling completely drained in every way.
I love all the comments and agree. The other major shock for me was that I would look 6 months prego when I left the hospital. I packed pre-pregnancy clothes to wear home - yea right!!!
Something that I never heard (or realized) was that we are all so different...our pregnancies, our deliveries, our recoveries, our newborns, etc. No one ever told me that it's not going to be fair. Some moms will have it easy and others will be suffer so much, and there's nothing I can do about it! I was not prepared for that injustice.
After coming home with my babies, the thing that shocked me the most was just how horribly painful it was to breastfeed. Some people it's a breeze, very little pain & over quickly. But for me it was excruitiating for weeks. Yes, I did use every lactation specialist I could find and they all said I was doing everything "just perfectly". But after the pain was gone it was the best thing ever. Definately worth it by the way.
I was not prepared for a bowel movement through many, many stitches. What the...?!?!
And no one ever told me that sometimes newborns don't sleep much. My oldest only took a couple of 20 minute "catnaps" per day and no, did not sleep at night either. It was insane. But it DID get better around 6 months.
For all those moms-to-be....just know that it all gets better. You heal. It is absolutely worth everything you go through because you are adding a PERSON to your family who you will adore!!
Nobody told my I would lose my brain. I feel completely scatter brained as a mom. I feel like I can't remember anything anymore and that I don't know anything anymore. I feel like I might have just become the same age as my oldest child. And even she is always correcting me now.
Nobody told me I would have to stay up to late to reidentify myself, since my identity is that of Mother and not much else during the waking hours of my children.
Nobody told me that I would love it so much, just being with them one on one, doing something that they love and seeing them so happy!
Di
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