When I first became a mother I honestly thought I knew it all. I was going to be the best mom ever. Then she grew...and I had more. And now. I know. Nothing. And yet, so much more than I once did. It's funny how that works. Motherhood has taught me so much about myself, about the differences in how people parent. How so many people their way is "the right way". I've learned not to only listen intently to what others think about parenting and the ways they go about it, but then to discern for myself what is best for my own family. I love hearing what others have learned from different experiences they've had. I have learned so much from that. I've learned how to say no, and ask for help & advice.
I didn't realize how much I would need to develop patience, tolerance, organization, a listening ear...I could go on and on. I have loved learning more about health, nutrition and the vital vital role it plays in my children's moods. I love learning about holistic foods and ways of living. It's fascinating.
I've loved getting to know each of my children, I had no idea they could be so rotten and so perfectly sweet, sometimes at the same time.
I have learned how to give birth, then bleed for weeks on end afterwards, how to get a breast infection that hurts so BAD, how to nurse 2 babies at once, then pump for a neighbors adopted newborn, how to spot a yeast diaper rash instead of a normal rash, how to spot a gassy baby, how to get a baby to sleep, how to know if my child is tired, or just hungry, how to get rid of an ear infection without antibiotics, what foods to feed a 12 month old.
I have learned that my life is so much better when I focus on making others happy around me, but at the same time finding time for me. I love simply listening what my children say. I love conversations like these:
"maddie, what are the 4 things your thankful for?"
"money, family, clothes and our house, but money for clothes is the most important." It's such fabulous entertainment just talking to my children. The emotional roller-coaster of hormones has been unbelievable. I didn't even know changing moods so quickly was possible. :) I can't believe how much more is in store for me...raising teenagers scares me.
I love thinking back to how I felt being around my mom. So content and loved, and now I'm that person. I'm the one to provide security, comfort, love and plenty of kisses. I just hope I can keep remembering those feelings...
With that said, what are some things that you have learned, or been surprised by from motherhood?
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Before having kids I thought that all you really had to do to be a parent was make an effort. Pay attention, do what's best for your kids, be unselfish, and good parenting will come naturally.
Then when I had a couple toddlers running around and was trying to figure out how on EARTH to teach and discipline them, I realized that it's not that simple. Just working hard wasn't enough. I had to find just the right way to do it. The perfect way of setting rules, enforcing them, teaching, explaining, praising, modeling. I had to learn from books and the internet and other people, not from instinct like I thought.
But now that my kids are a little older and I've had a chance to observe different parenting styles and have figured out my own, I'm starting to think I was right in the first place. There are LOTS of ways to do it right. And you don't have to be perfect. You just have to be THERE. And keep trying different things for different situations and different kids. And most of it really does come naturally. Books are great for help and ideas, but most of the time after reading up and asking opinions, I then have to put it together and look to myself for the best answer.
Don't you wish you could get some acknowledgment from the world for all the things you've learned? It's totally enough for a Master's Degree or something!
TOTALLY Jana...you're so brill. And Christine, I loved what you said. Mama's intuition.
I never thought I could feel so much love for a person and yet get so frustrated, that I truly end up angry. I thought that having these beautiful tiny people in my life would fill me with so much love that I would never overreact or get really angry. Those are my worst moments, but at the same time, at least I realize when it's happening that I am overreacting. Although I may yell, at least I know I shouldn't be yelling. It's not enough for me to know that I have to be patient, I have to try again and again and again and again to explain and to say no, no and no. I feel like it shouldn't be so hard. The love should sustain me, it should make me parent calmly. But that just isn't the way of it. I'm so incredibly flawed.
Before having children, I never thought that I would have a moment where I thought that I was a terrible mother, because that's just some random girl thing that mothers say when they feel sorry for themselves. Now I know that sometimes, it truly feels like that - like I"m a terrible mother - and the key is to realize that this too is an over reaction. I'm not a terrible mother, I'm not even a bad mother. I am simply a mother, who is learning every minute of every day how to be a better mother than I was the day before.
Wow. Awesome thread, Jen.
I've learned that no matter how many books I read about how to get my child to nap or be on a schedule, she will nap when and if she wants, and she refuses to be put on a schedule. I also learned that I should have been much more worried about the physical pain of recovering from child birth than of the actual pain of giving birth (well, thanks to the epidural, that is...). I've learned that it is SO not as easy as I thought it was going to be. Oh my goodness, there's just so much! But one thing I think I'll always be trying to learn is how to cut myself some slack. This is hard stuff, and that's okay. I just forget that it's okay a lot of time time...
I read this right after you posted but didn't comment because you said everything so beautifully. I had to laugh because I didn't even know that I knew some of that stuff. Just a couple of weeks ago I was explaining to a "new mom" that her baby had a yeast diaper rash (she asked me to look at it and see what I thought). She didn't know the difference. How funny that I know that.
I also love everything that everybody else has already said. Annette, so true on the anger thing. I also thought that parents felt some sort of satisfaction in punishing their children, but now that I'm a mother, I feel so sorry for my kids while they are learning their lesson and "serving their time". And spanking does not make me feel better - just worse. Sera - How funny about the recovery side of childbirth. I remember having my first and being amazing that I went to a six-week class on labor that lasted 20 hours, but nobody mentioned that I may never be able to poop again. You are all such wonderful mothers.
I think that I have learned that you don't know what you can do until you are called on to go through it. I have learned to watch my kids sleep when I need peace in my soul. I have learned emotions that I didn't even know existed. I have learned that most of mothering is faith. Faith in our own abilities as daughters of God; Faith in the God-given abilities that our children came to this earth with; Faith in our Heavenly Father's Plan; Faith in the power of prayer.
Then I doubt...and worry...and question. And I have to learn that Faith Lesson all over again. It is such a wonderful journey. Thanks for your sweet, thought-provoking post.
I always love your posts, but this one is especially wonderful.
I have learned much about myself. My son is so much like me that he is my teacher. I understand myself and forgive myself and teach myself as I see him grow. Do you understand any of that? M
I loved what Emily said about not knowing what you're capable of until you're called to do it! AMEN! I'm constantly surprised by how different my children are. Each has such a unique and distinct personality! I have, calm and studious (mostly), happy go lucky and compassionate, hot temper, feisty and yet so sweet and one who's a mixture of all of them (although not studious). I love it all. Life is never dull and I think that's one of the beauties of parenthood!
Its so scary and exciting and wonderful thinking about everything everyone has said in conjunction with Bryce and I anticipating the day when we will be Officially expecting a little one coming into our new home. We still don't know when that will be of course but one of these days... :)
Jen when I do get preg, you'll have to do another post specifically for me so everyone can give their advice (more ppl .... and more Mothers... look at your blog then mine! :)
I've loved watching different mothering techniques. Because obviously i haven't quite begun to Experience it yet. Annette-i think i feel the same way now that you used to--that once i have those tiny little heavenly bodies under my care and protection in my Home, that my life could never get any better and could never feel more wonderful.....
Then Bryce and I have two couples over for dinner... (last night)...both with babies. HA! At THAT moment i wasn't exactly looking forward to motherhood because both babies were crying because it was late and the younger was sick. But now i'm at Today and now i can't wait again-luckily! I'll enjoy the feeling....
Love the post! I too knew everything about being a mom before I was one, I had it all planned out - what to and not to do. Then I had my babies and realized I knew exactly nothing. I did immediately feel a tremendous sense of importance in everything I did. Whether I was singing them a song or rocking them or helping them get to sleep, I knew that what I was doing was the most important thing I could be doing at that moment - that was awesome - is awesome.
I have experienced those crazy mood shifts and never more drastically than during this weaning thing - whew - my poor husband, I can't believe he still loves the monster he's been living with over the last month or so! It is seriously amazing!
I'd love some tips on what to feed a 12 month old since we're almost there! I guess they can eat about anything but I'm sure they'll get sick if I spring it all on them at once. Maybe we'll just break them in over the holidays but any advice is seriously appreciated! Thanks!
You are amazing!
I had never planned to be a mother. Through a series of wrong choices, motherhood happened upon me at a young age. I didn't know until a month before my first was born if i was going to keep him or give him to a couple waiting for a baby. I am so grateful i decided to keep my baby. I know i was blessed with a perfect baby, for me. Motherhood came naturally to me. I was scared how easy it was.
I was, of course, in tears the night i held my baby while he cried into the wee hours of the morning. Nothing i did helped. I sang softly to him, danced him around the living room, patted his back. Nothing worked. And when i thought all hope was lost, my mom got out of bed (the 1st and only time) and held my baby to give me a moment of peace. He immediately feel asleep on her shoulder. That was when i learned that no matter how much you think you can do by yourself, eventually, you will Need some one to step in and help.
You can't take care of a child completely on your own. It takes an amazing and complicated support system. I am so grateful to be married to my greatest support. I learned - from my husband's OCD desires - that my children don't function at their best unless they are on a schedule. That when We are on the same page our children benefit greatly from it. I learned that it's okay to share the parenting work with my husband and sometimes it is necessary to barracade myself in my bathroom and soak in the tub a couple hours and escape from the world.
I learned that it's so important to take it easy on the oldest child. To show them the most patience and understanding. The oldest is the one that we really practice on as parents. They get more disiplined than the others because we are learning, too. I will forever remember the story of my oldest brother telling my mom "If you punish me for every mistake i make, i'll be grounded for the rest of my life." The oldest is our greatest "little helper." I learn to appreciate him more and more each day. His younger brothers have it so much easier than he does, because i have now learned what not to do.
Motherhhod is the greatest gift of my life. Being a mom has taught and continues to teach me more than anything else in life. Everything good about me, i became because of my children.
I'll be honest... this scared the heck out of me when I read this. Before I had Ellie I was SO freaked out about being a mom. It all seemed so complicated and I was positive that I would do everything wrong. Then she was born, and for the last few months I've thought, "this is SO easy! why was I so freaked out?". Well, reading this makes me realize that yes, it's easy when you have ONE baby who doesn't get into things yet, doesn't talk back, can't make bad choices yet...etc. So, we'll see how it goes when there are 3 or 4 more. Aaahh! We'll see.
Love the post. Here are a few things I've learned so far (I'm sure there will be many many more as my little ones grow up).
I am so much stronger than I ever realized. Honestly if we can endure pregnancy, labor, child birth (for me unmedicated), recoverying, breastfeeding, and never sleeping we can all do anything.
Each one of my kids is different so they all need different forms of punishment, rewards, schedules, etc. I have had to learn new techniques each time.
My mom (who is INCREDIBLE and managed to raise 10 kids) always told me to pray about everything with raising kids and boy do I. I pray for patience, I pray for guidance, I pray that my kids will no without a doubt how much I love them and how much the Lord loves them.
I've learned that kids come with their own personalities and we have to learn to deal with each one and teach them how to deal with their temperments.
Looking in the mirror at the kid just like you is soooo hard.
And one last thing (sorry this is so long) as for food at 12 months old - by that age we usually start introducing table food with their baby food. The table food might not fill them up but if they get a taste for what you usually eat as a couple or family you might have a better chance at not fixing "special" meals for them. So far all 3 of my kids are great at eating what we eat. I also add frozen peas to anything hot (like mac-n-cheese) and it cools it down super fast and my kids LOVE peas now.
Sorry this was soooo long!
Funny, just yesterday I had this distinct thought as I swept up a mess for the 500th time, "This is so hard. Motherhood is so hard!"
I don't think that very often (even though I know it always is so), but when all of the children are screaming bloody murder and everyone wants you to solve their problems ( all while they destroy the house)...whew! It's amazing what we can manage as mothers.
Oh, and whenever I am working out really hard and I want to quit, I think, "I have given birth to four children. I can do ANYTHING!"
(This is odd--I must be hormonal--but that last sentence brought tears to my eyes. We mothers really can do anything, can't we? We hold the next generation in our wombs and arms every day.)
The most important lesson I've learned and continue to learn is that there is truly a bigger plan. If I can put my trust in the Lord, he can help carry my burdens and I know that HE knows that life will be okay. He will take care of us, and he is just a prayer away. My life is not always my own, but the Lord always wants and knows what is best. It will be okay.
Oh, Lemira, that was beautiful. I know it must be so hard for you to just WAIT, and wait and wait. Feeling like all control of your family is partially taken. You are amazing.
Jacqui, I loved what you said about being able to do anything. I love what Sister Tanner always said "You can do hard things". It's so true.
Erin, thank goodness we have one baby at a time! :) Enjoy your baby, they grow up so fast. They may get a little harder but motherhood seems to get sweeter and sweeter as well.
I've loved what everyone has said!!! So so MUCH!
Jen, I love that beautiful picture with you and your babies. What a priceless experience = being a mother. When is your next little one due?
We must be on the same wavelength Jen. I was just having these same thoughts yesterday. Being a parent is great. Hard work, grueling, infuriating and just sometimes crazy ... but great. And I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. I loved reading this.
Rebecca...I almost forgot, I'll post the 12 month foods...either on here or as a post SOON!
She broke her bread into two fragments and gave them to the children, who ate with avidity.
"She hath kept none for herself," grumbled the Sergeant.
"Because she is not hungry," said a solder.
"Because she is a mother," said the Sergeant.
Victor Hugo, "Les Miserables"
I also thought I knew it all before I became a mother. I was, however, very surprised and confused to find that I knew nothing. I had to get rid of all of my preconceived notions and just figure it out. I have grown to love it and I am looking forward to doing it again. I heard somewhere that Motherhood is the hardest thing you will ever love to do. I agree.
I have so many of the same feelings that have already been written. Also, I've been amazed at how much I can do one-handed, holding a baby in the other hand! And having kids totally warps my perception of time- sometimes the days drag, but the months and YEARS fly by! I am so blessed to be a mama!
The Things I have learned. . . where do I even begin? The thing I have learned most is that I thought I would have kids and I would teach them, I have learned, it's so the opposite. My kids teach me far more than I have taught them. I have learned messes really don't matter, they are not worth smashed feelings, I have learned that my kids set a greater example of righteousness than I set for them, I have learned they give me something to live righteously for. They have taught me that there is so much more to chaos than loudness, chaos means existence, existence means life, life means happiness and happiness means means we are living God's plan. I have learned how much my parents must love me because I know how much I love my kids, but more importantly, I have learned on a small scale God's nature of compassion, love, appreciation of gratitude and sorrow. Because I have been a mother and know how badly I want to see my children succeed, I know how much my heavenly father must want to see me succeed. I have learned the importance of giving thanks to my Heavenly Father because I know how much I appreciate a simple thank you for the service I render. I have learned that if I love my kids as much as I do, I can only imagine how much my Heavenly Father loves me and wants to see me happy and to choose the right. I have learned that Heavenly Father hurts when I hurt, because I know I hurt when my children hurt, and I know we are made in his image, having the same emotions. I have learned that it truly is service that makes hearts draw closer. The more I serve my kids, the more I love them. I have learned that no matter what, the only thing in this world that truly matters is focusing on the here and now, appreciating every breath your children breathe, and every laugh they grace your ears with and every hug they fill your arms with and every kiss they leave on your cheek. I have learned that you can never say "I love you" too much and that it's impossible to love your kids too much. I have learned that motherhood is so much more than I could have ever hoped or wished for. I have learned that Motherhood is what I was called to do and there couldn't have been a better calling.
(just to sum things up)
I enjoy almost every moment of being a mother. It is the most amazing thing EVER. I have learned a deeper & truer sense of love because of my children. I love that having my children has given me a whole new understanding of & appreciation for our Heavenly Father. I cannot imagine watching my precious first born suffering as he watched our savior suffer and knowing I can stop it and not doing it because he loves us THAT much. I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn from my beautiful & amazing children.
Now on the practical side, I've learned that ice pops make owies feel better faster than regular ice. I've learned that frozen waffles are FABULOUS for teething babies (and hungry toddlers). I've learned that when parents say, "just wait, some day you'll have a kid just like you", that's a THREAT not a statement. I've also learned that there is no title in this world more wonderful than mother.
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