So, right now I'm supposed to be editing...editing 4 shoots before I have 6 more at the end of this week. I have been feeling like I can't breathe. I went to Denver this past weekend to do some photo-shoots, it SNOWED on us so 2 canceled. But that was fine, less work is always fine. :) It was a heaven sent weekend actually. I was able to take my friend Emily with me and stay with 2 of my very best friends there, Michele & sage brush Mary. They are amazing people. Michele should live in Manhattan and Mary should live on 50 acres of wilderness. :) They are so different, yet both have kindred hearts to mine. (I sound like Anne of Green Gables) It was so nice to get away and regroup. I feel like I really really needed it. I'm having the hardest time learning how to balance. Balance my life. Balance my family. Balance my church responsibilities. Balance my hobby. Balance my free time. Balance my lack of free time. Balance my work. Balance my time on the computer editing. Balance my relationship with my hubby. Balance. How do you do it? It's like I either feel too busy, or a little bored. I like to feel busy, it's my nature, but I also like to know I have available time in the next month...some time. Any time. How do you balance? Is it always a struggle? Maybe just for me. hmmm. I've worked so hard to get my business where it is now, and now I'm overwhelmed and working too much...it's time to start saying no to work, even though it's my hobby, it's a passion and what I love. But I have to prioritize better. Perhaps I need a class in balance. Back to Denver...we stayed up one night until almost 4 am talking about parenting, and the gospel. It was so good to talk, and feel so rejuvenated and ready to be a fab mother again...or for once. I came to many realizations, or reminders that night...these are just a few:
-I am a teacher to my children. I have always known this...but so often I assume they think like I think. This is not true. So I am lazy when it comes to parenting. I forget to TEACH. To SHOW, to lead by example.
-I and my husband are my children's everything. We are the keeper of their hearts. The keeper of their spirits, it is my job to nourish them in every sense.
-I need to do better at creating and implementing traditions. I have a hard time with this. I know children need rhythm, traditions are great way to create that rhythm...what are some traditions you love?
-When a child does wrong, saying "Let's try again" instead of scolding and sending them away.
-Remembering how I felt when I was a child. How it felt so so good to be held and loved by mom. How scared I would get at night when I had a bad dream, or the sadness I felt when I had a bad day at school. Mom's can make it so much better.
-LESS IS MORE.
-Be PRESENT in my children's life. Really live purposefully...every day!
-Get up earlier
-No computer unless my kids are asleep or playing at someone's house. (this is SO HARD for me)
-Say "no" when I need to (to work or extra things that take me away from my family).
There is more...but I will stop there. I could choose any one of those and have it be hard to really DO. Some days I feel so capable, and others it's difficult. So I'm resolving-again- to do better, to be better, to live better and mostly to love better. Motherhood is such a gift...it helps me strive to be a better person.
Amen :)
Monday, April 28, 2008
A little out of it
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Jen-ben
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19 comments:
Every single one of those "reminders" is on my list too, Jen! I KNOW that you are not alone wanting to do all these. Now how to do them, huh? If you find out, let me know. Your trip sounds wonderful. I'd give my left boob to have some time away from ALL KIDS.
Thanks for the reminders/tips! I think every mother struggles at some point with each or all of these! I know I do every day - you are not alone!
Wow, Jen, Thats just such a lot of stuff to be trying to remember and do and be better at! It's all just a little at a time. I think the hugging and making them know they are safe and loved would be the most important one. And you are doing a great job at that! I love you! Hug Hug!
I think the best way to be a good mom is to make time for yourself. So good for you! Thanks for the reminders..I need to be doing better with every one of those as well!
A couple of weekends ago we had a stake relief society conference type thing, we had a variety of classes, one of which was on organization. The teacher said something that's stuck with me & I've decided I'm going to apply it to EVERYTHING that I'm struggling with (being a good Mom mostly). She said (talking about your house, but it works for everything else); focus on what you're doing that's good & is working, it's easy to be drowned out by the negative, but focus on what's good. Than decide what you'd like to do better & spend just 15 minutes a day doing it. Remember (your house) didn't get this way in a day & it won't get better in a day. I love that advice, I can do 15 minutes, 15 minutes doing something I wanted to do with my kids but haven't. Usually if I start, it'll be more than 15 minutes. For some reason 15 minutes seems less daunting then a list of things that I need/want to do.
Sorry for rambling.
Balance! Don't you think the quest for balance is like the whole point of life? It's all about spending just the right amount of time and energy with family, work, church, self, kids . . . if we can find that balance we have it made! For a week. Then everything changes, and we have to find a whole new one!
Jen I find that a huge help to keep track of my priorities is journaling. I have my regular journal that I write in with a pen, then I have my mommy journal on the computer (a private one, not my blog) where I can quickly get all my thoughts down and re-prioritize, and understand what I really need to work on. It's so interesting to go back and read it and see how many times I came up with ideas while writing, that I never would have otherwise.
The never ending quest! I too always have this huge list in my head of all the things I need to do to be a better mom/person/wife, etc. But everyone's right. It seems so daunting so most days, I give up and don't even try very hard. The 15 minute idea is a good one. Instead of being here reading blogs, I should say I have to spend at least 15 minutes playing a game with my children or reading to them or doing some sort of activity with them. Not only would my children benefit and be super excited about it, but I find that whenever I do choose to do stuff like this, I feel so much happier and better - because I forget how much I do enjoy one on one interaction with my children because I rationalize that the laundry needs to get done first, etc. It seems like my days go much better and I actually accomplish much more than I would if I just feel sorry for myself that I have too much to do all the time. I'm pretty sure this all made no sense, but it helped me as I wrote it.
Thanks for making the list for me! I sat down the other night and tried to remember everything we talked about. I even tried the "Let Me Show You" approach that John did with Isabelle. I think it went well (the one time I did it). The other thing I am trying to remember in EVERY interaction (and I stress "trying") is empathy. I am trying to put myself in their position and see things from their point of view.
It's so difficult to find that balance! Elder Ballard talked about the need for Mom's to take time for themselves. I completely agree. I am amazed at how much more energy, patience, and gratitute I have with my children even having been gone only a couple of days. It really does help me get rejuvinated. And my husband said he was really glad that I was home. It makes me feel better that I have a purpose and that I do make a difference in these people's lives. In the business and craziness of every-day activities, sometimes I wonder if I really am making a difference for good. Anyway...it's tough to find the right amount of time for myself verses family, church, neighbors, etc. I think it's something that I'll constantly re-evaluate my whole life.
Thanks again for the list, and thanks for inviting me to come. I loved meeting Mary and Michele. They are both so amazing and made such an impression on me.
Wonderful list. Thanks for all the reminders. I agree, I think that balance is something everyone struggles with...mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, women, and men. We all try so hard every day to make sure that everyone is happy and fufilled and taken care of. How fun that you were able to get away and come home feeling so refreshed.
As for traditions, I've always believed in routines for our family. My kids and I love the comfort we receive from the routines we have. Reading together, snuggling, chats before bed and so on. Also, we try to use the "let's try again" method as much as possible. However, I too get lazy in my parenting and there's so much more I could and should be doing. So, thanks again for the list.
By the way, what is the "Let Me Show You" approach?
I'm right there with ya babe...
I have to remember that too, about showing kids how to do things, and teaching them, instead of assuming they already know. How would she know unless I've told her?
I've found that I have moments like this a lot, and I try to start doing my whole list at once, but it's too hard, so I give up. I think it's much more effective to choose one thing to work on at a time. When you get good at that, another one will naturally follow, or you're ready to choose another one to try.
I have often wondered how you do it all...I have about a tenth of the photography you have, and a fifth of the kids you have, and I feel like I'm plenty busy. Not that I'm actually busy--I know I'm not--but I'm happy with where I am.
I remember a talk from a RS broadcast maybe even before I had Emma where they said "don't try to sing all the verses of your song at once." Maybe some things just can't happen in your life right now. And sometimes motherhood requires sacrifice...that's probably where your saying no will come in.
Hard! This is probably one of those important times in your life that you'll look back on and either have a good story to tell about choosing what was most important, or have a "I wish I had just..." moment.
The balancing act... it's sooo hard! to find time & to make sure you spend the right amount of time with each person, on each thing & having our time! I get into the groove (so to speak) & everything runs smoothly, everyone's happy & then bam I'm off the groove train & everything seems to fall apart! Motherhood is sacrifice... but it truly is the best gift ever!
I love it! Motherhood is full of ups and downs huh!?! I've had the same thoughts infact one of my goals is to only check out blogs on Wednesdays - I've become a total computer addict over the last several months. Also found the most awesome conference talk about being a mother (from 1997): http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=9c47dbdcc370c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1
Good luck! You're awesome!
Jen- What a wonderful post. I have been praying so hard about so many of those topics... being an influence and not just a presence in my boy's lives, and to remember the needs I had as a child and to offer those fully to my children. Thanks for putting your thoughts down on paper for all of us to read. It was very helpful.
And by the way, LOVE the music on your blog! (and I am a music snob...:)
Jen B.
First of all, you are an amazing mom. Anyone who knows your kids knows that. And I love that you are always working on a new aspect in your families lives or a different way to approach parenting situations.
I completely understand the need for balancing. I've often wondered how we, as mom's, are supposed to participate in Enrichment activities, children's activities, family time, Visiting Teaching, me time, be there for my friends, attend the temple, have family dinner every night, form traditions, etc.. I feel like I'm drownding in a sea of "to do." I guess the best thing to do would be to pick the one's that are most important to me and my family and start from there.
It's great that you were able to get away and connect with old and new friends. It's nice to have that renewed sense to motherhood. Thanks for listing your inspiring reminders:)
Jen my love! You are a wonderful mother. What sustains me as a mother is knowing i'm a daughter of God! I love to read what goes on in your mind. It always goes straight for my heart to get to know you better and better. I know you know you're a daughter of God too. You must know that Heavenly Father and Mother are looking in on you and are so proud of all your growth and your efforts! You to me are magnanamous! You're one of the most beautiful inspirational people i know! Truly! One thing i love to do when i'm overwhelmed by my kids in particular is...(by this time i'm in tears with no direction)...I lay on the living room floor and yell at the top of my lungs "guys!! mom needs kisses and hugs cuz i don't feel so good and i need power!" They all come running and i'm swept away by their love! Then i get up and start to make a list of what i need to do! I've also taught my kids when they're having a hard time, to just go outside, front or back yard and just lay in the grass with your eyes closed and breath God in! His world is as crazy as our own. It gives me perspective. Then i go out and buy someone flowers...and some for me too! I love that part!!! Even better than that, when i'm really stressed, besides prayer, going to the temple, reading my scriptures, or a hot bath, I visit your blog and i let the healing begin! Thank you for that Jen! Through all your challenges and daily strugles i want you to know that just your existence strengthens me! I love you sweetness! Melva
P.S. That post up there that says "Jeff" was actually me...Jeff was signed in and I didn't realize it.
Thanks for the awesome list! I think that we always have something that we need to be working on in our lives. We can always do a little better or do something a different way. It is progression which, I believe, should be a beautiful thing. Look to the past and see all the things you did better than before. (Trust me I don't do these things myself all the time). You are wonderful mom , Jen. I love LOVE to read your comments about Tanner because I have a "Tanner" too other he is named Joshua. I am always amazed at how you are so calm and say the most amazing things to him. I usually just send him to the corner or get angry with him. I look to your example and try to see how much "spirit" he really has! :)
awesome post and so needed inmy life. I have been so busy getting ready for our new arrival that I have neglected so many imortant things..my children. I hope I can do better at all of them!
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