I wrote the longest, most confusing post about this...then read it again and confused myself. I'm not good at getting my point across sometimes. So I'll just leave it up to this picture. Comments??? I know you have some.... :)
Sunday, April 6, 2008
funny....
Posted by
Jen-ben
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
19 comments:
Ummmm, the pie looks great (if it is a pie that is coming out of the oven). Women often share opinions even when not asked, it is almost expected of us! Gotta love a good friend who you can count of for their honest opinion and who you can tell what you think as well!
YES! VERY FUNNY!
Love people that say it the way it is! Can trust them for sure. When I give an opinion, I say in a joking manner, "Put this in your unsolicited advice file." This lets them know in a fun way that what I am saying is my opinion only and they can take it or leave it, it is up to them. Of course I always try to be kind in what I say. And there are time to just say nothing. But with good friends, those times are few.
Jen I was cleaning off my desk yesterday and found your Christmas card. A flood of love for you and your family swept over me. Thanks for your loving example, your kindness and desire to serve. You are someone I look up to, even though you are a tiny little thing.
Love you, M
Ya, I read that first post and then came back later to comment on it and it was gone! I'm so with you about not being able to get my point across...
You had mentioned something about motherhood seeming to be a competition sometimes, and I totally agree with that. We always seem to be comparing our mothering styles with others. I always find myself doing that, in both good and bad ways ("my children are way smarter and more well behaved than hers" or "holy cow! I suck at this mothering thing compared to HER!") It's something that is so hard NOT to do!
I think that giving an opinion is a lot like the judging thing; sometimes you don't mean to do it, but it just happens. Also, a lot of times I think we think people are trying to shove their opinions at us, when really, they aren't...they are just trying to help or are showing concern/care for us.
And lastly, I think that it's a woman thing. Women can love so hard and so much. It's so wonderful to have sisters and best friends. But women are also pretty mean and critical of one another. And I think that's where the judging, opinions, comparing, and "competition" comes from.
So that's my two cents.
Ooooo...I really want to know where you were going with this in the first place. First of all, I completely apologize to you (and anyone else) if I have ever "forced" an unwanted opinion (I should say "when" and not "if"). It is so much easier for me to see an answer when I'm not so emotionally involved. For example, my brother-in-law was having a hard time with his teenage son leaving his dirty clothes in their bathroom (I guess he showered in there frequently). They were arguing, fighting, and yelling a lot over these piles of dirty clothes. Using my "Love and Logic" I suggested that my brother-in-law pick up the clothes (end the fighting) and let his son "buy" them back. But, I guarantee if I was having that problem with my son, I wouldn't have been able to come up with a solution. So, I tend to give unwanted advice, and I'm sorry.
On the other hand, I really need help with my kids and our problems. I actually appreciate advice if 1) it is given by someone I really love and trust who is sincerely intenting to help, and 2) that person doesn't get offended if I don't take their advice.
Don't you love getting the unsolicited opinion? Mothers should really be kind to each other seeing as we are both in this very difficult boat together, but we are always comparing and judging. This is something I am working on, loving me for being me, and loving everyone else for being just who they are.
What I had been trying to say on the post I deleted was that I hate the opinions from the women in Target - you know the ones you don't know- who think they know it all. :) And that sometimes I feel like mom's are trying to one-up each other. And that I wish we wouldn't do that to other. But if like Emily said we did it with L-O-V-E. I like advice...I better like to receive it because I'm always the first to give it. I just don't like the advice where you feel like a failure as a mom after the person has told you how to parent differently because you're doing it all wrong...
SEE! That's why I didn't post that...I just babble and don't make much sense. Do I???
Jen, just because I told you all your kids are misbehaved, poorly dressed, rude, and undereducated...doesn't mean you have to go around complaining about it.
I think I give "advice" all too much when I have no idea what the heck I am talking about! So if I have ever done this to anyone, sorry. It's usually just my opinion or an idea & I could care less if there is a better solution out there for you, my feeling won't be hurt at all. I even had this talk with Lorin last night - sometimes I just talk to be talking & people don't want to hear what I have to say, then I feel like an idiot afterwards. On the other hand, I love looking at blogs to learn from other moms & hear what they have to say. So if anyone has advice for me, just know that I appreciate it & will usually give it a try! I do agree with Jen - I hate getting advice or opinions from people I don't know, who don't know me or my family & think they have all the answers.
This to me describes my family to the T. No opions asked for, but your gonna get em anyway. Always under judgement to see if you are "as good as so and so at baking, or mothering, or grieving. . blah blah blah. We have a saying in our family when someone is over stepping their boundaries in the advice department, it's, "Well, if I need an opinion, I know where to find one." Ahhh. . .
One of the General Authorities in conference talked on this yesterday as he was talking to the mothers. He mentioned we shouldn't compare ourselves to other mothers or our children to their children. Every mother, every child is a unique and every experience is unique. God has given us the children he's given us to help us become who we need to be and who our children need to be. It's not by chance who our children end up being. . . he knows what we need and the kind of parent our child needs to become more like him. . .
Oh...I didn't know we were talking about the strangers that talk to you through your kids. "Little girl, I don't think your Mommy would want you to touch that." I'm right here!!! If I didn't want her to touch it, I'll take care of it. Thanks!
We've been over this before. I just have to take several deep breaths (sometimes for hours), and recommit myself to my promise to my daughter's generation - the future generation of young mothers. I will not criticize you!!!
I read your original post and then I found that you had deleted it, I thought you did a great job and saying what you needed to say.
It's just that my way of doing things is so much more effective. I am only telling you to help you because I obviously have the answer to all of your problems - be they baking or child raising. I'm here for YOU!
Ahhh, thanks Mechelle!! That was so nice of you to say!
Jana and Theresa, I can't believe how LUCKY I am to have you 2 know it all's in my life. What would I do without you? Funny that you're the one in that picture giving me pie advice.... :)
Jen, you so don't babble!!!! I have to agree with you Jen!! Advice is wonderful if it's given to someone to help them.... not to undermine them as a mother, parent etc. but it's funny how some people just love to give you their advice all the time!!! As a rule I only give advice if someone asks me for it... don't feel I have the right to tell someone else how they should do things!!
Love Anne Taintor...she just says what we're all thinking. I hope you don't mind me stopping by your blog - beautiful pics.
Jen,
Where do you find these pictures? I love them. Oh my word, this is my mother in law, the way the yellow lady is "hovering" over the other one. Seriously she would follow me around all day and give "helpful suggesstions" if she could. She honestly (bless her heart) thinks that she's been put on the earth to "help" others. What am I saying? We are all suppossed to "help" others, right? I just don't think she realizes IT'S NOT HELPFUL!!! She thinks it's "constructive criticism" when it's really just "constant criticism." She asked me once, when I replied to one of her "helpful suggesstions," "Well, don't you WANT to be a better person?" Hmmmm..... I guess I just didn't realize she was in charge of this.
OK - there, I'm done. Apparently I needed to vent. I guess I have very strong feelings on this. I don't think I have these feelings with everyone - just my mother-in-law.
I'm sorry to take up your blog space with my person rant.
jen, i've always admired how well you explain yourself and get your point across......that is something i'm ALWAYS working on.
i love all your posts! Love that we can still stay some what connected on here.
(i loved jana's comment, made me laugh)
Um, this is what I think every time we spend time with my Mother in Law?
Post a Comment