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It's midnight and I'm on the computer...I tried to sleep but had too many thoughts. One my dear friends Michelle sent off balloons for her little James's birthday who passed away a little over a year ago. She posted these on her blog and from there I found another girl who had taken photos of the balloons she sent to heaven for James. I started to read her blog and realized she had not long ago lost her 3 yr old daughter. So after thinking about James, then this little Ava I had to reflect on my own life and sweet children. What matters? Does having a clean house matter? Does having a nice car or house matter? Does any amount of money really matter? Does what we wear matter? Does how big our butt gets really matter? Do our relationships matter.... YES! Can we take them and only them to the grave? Yes! But do I feel that I live by this? No. Will I try and change...so much. I want my children to know that when they walk in a room I am so excited to see them, that they light up my heart, that I love them with all of my being. I want them to enjoy life, to appriciate the little things. To be kind to those around them. I want to do activities with them that are meaningful and good. That inspire and embrase their tender little hearts. To make of their days warm, bright, soft, and wrapped in my arms. I want to let them make messes because that's what they love to do. And then... not mind cleaning up after them. Because we are alive, we are happy, we are blessed. We can do good in this world, we can make a difference. You don't think it will happen to you. Who could ever imagine loosing a child. But what if it does? Will I feel satisfied at the way I mothered them, will they know how much I do cherish them? I hope so. I will do my best to do better at this. I will not feel guilty because of the mother I have been so far, I will only committ to doing better, being better, living better. Who cares about the house, the clothes, the cars, the butt. I know my kids don't. But they do matter, the relationships I have formed- matter. And that is what I will take with me. That is what will make me rich.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
What matters???
Posted by
Jen-ben
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7 comments:
I've thought about this before too-- that if the very worst were to happen and I lost a child, the only thing that would give me any kind of comfort would be to know that the time they had with me was peaceful and good and happy. And on the other hand that there could be nothing worse than to lose a child and to have nothing but a bunch of memories of being short with them or yelling at them or not making time for them. Thanks for reminding me!
It can be so hard to cherish every moment, to turn away from whatever you're doing and give them your full attention, but they notice! They know when you're paying attention to them, and that's all they care about...what a great blog post, Jen!
How tender! Oh how I always pray to be a better mother. I feel like such an awful one so much of the time; there has been so many instances where I get psychotic about straightening up the house or getting the laundry done that the kids are just literally screaming for attention. I hate when that happens and I feel so awful for that. I would be devastated if I lost any one of my kiddos, and I would hate myself for every psychotic moment that I spent on laundry or dishes rather than them.
Great post, Jen! Don't you just love those deep, sentimental moments?
Thank goodness we don't have to worry about the size of our butt! I just wanted you to know that there were several times today that I chose to speak with more kindness or select the more forgiving/less severe punishment just because of your thoughts. I also focused on getting down to their level and tried to get a smile or a laugh during a tought moment. So...THANK YOU! There have been so many times when I have gone into my "babies" room (sometimes my baby was 2 or 3 at the time), got them out of the crib or their bed and just rocked them or held them while I mourned the loss of a friend, a family member, or suffered a personal tragedy. I have felt how much it hurts to have empty arms, and my children were there to fill that void. How grateful I am to have them, to have the chance to be a mother, and to have wonderful friends like you to remind me of my blessings. Good thoughts!
Love your post. I couldn't agree more! My heart aches for those going through such a loss. Of course you never think it's going to happen to you, but it comes to my mind every once in a while. It would be devistating. Children really are so sweet and innocent - it's hard to think that they can make you (me) so upset sometimes! "Why" I sometimes think, make a big deal out of something that can easily be brushed off, or made light of, or handled in a better way. Thanks for the reminder of what really matters! :)
Jen, As I read your comments on being a mother I got teary eyed. You say it so perfect and I love every word you say! You hit it right on and it is sooo good to be reminded! Thanks!
Jen, I love reading your blogs. You are always so right. I appreciate they way you remind me what's important.
Thanks!!!
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