Mother knows best

I called my mom today to chat. She is such an amazing, kind, exemplary mother. While we were talking about her own baby getting ready to get married, she got a little choked up. After talking for a while she said through some tears (I'm paraphrasing) " I wish I could just back to Payson when you were all so little". Now, this statement is to me a very powerful one. Because- when she lived in Payson she was raising small small children. As in, she was 32 years old (my age) and had 7 children, 12 and under. We lived in a very modest house. The main level was something like 1000 square feet. We had a basement that was partly finished a couple years before we moved. And we only had one bathroom.

I said, "really?" "Yes, in a heartbeat. You were all so good. The only thing I had to worry about was how wild Eric was." One day I'm going to say that. Of all of the time spans of her life, that was the one she wanted to go back to. I of course, started to cry. I think we both needed a cry. So often I think I neeeed a bigger house, this or that. But I don't. It's not what's important. I never felt like that house was small. Ever. Until I drive by it now...I'm sure if I was to go in I'd be shocked at how small it really was.

I do love how right now my kiddies are all at such a great age. They're happy, they love me, they adore each other, they're so teachable, humble, and full of spirit. In a few more short years, I won't have total control over their coming and goings, or the choices they'll make. I'm going to wish for a dirty house. I'll wish for a house full of little voices asking for things, tattle telling and wanting kisses on their owies.

The second statement that spoke to my heart, was when we were talking about my dirty house. Really dirty today. I won't go into details. :) But she said, well you can either clean up or do something that will be make a difference. Now sometimes we have to clean. That's a given. But so many times, I choose to clean, or do other things, instead of making a difference- an impression, grasping an opportunity to teach, or just to scoop up a child and cuddle. I must constantly remind myself that a clean house is not my top priority. So I will cherish my babies and leave the couch cushions strung across the living room floor. For a little while anyway.

It's strange how whenever I speak to my mom it's like I revert back to being little. I feel safe to cry, safe to just be me. When I was in labor with Maddie, she was flying in to try and make it there for the birth. I went the all natural route and was having really good contractions. But I was a quiet laborer. No crying, no noise really. She called to see how I was, and as soon as I heard her voice, broke down in tears. Something inside me just gave in. It's so funny how that happens. I think we always want our moms to be proud, to be there to pick us up when we're sad. Sometimes I still want to just crawl on her lap and nuzzle into her neck. Get ready mom. :) I hope that my children will all feel as safe as I do with my mom. So for those of you who don't have a mega supportive, loving mama out there, you can borrow mine. She will love you.

There were more bits she said to me that I really needed to hear today. So thank you mom. I feel so blessed to have you as my mother. One day, maybe I'll be just like you. I can only hope...