I'm so thankful she's so aware of how she's feeling. She told her teacher today she felt low, so she sent her down to the office right away. She was only 42 (she should be 100-200). That is really really low, dangerously low. I'm so grateful she recognized how she was feeling and told her teacher. I'm thankful and I'm mad at the same time. I'm mad that she's only 5 and has to worry about that. I'm mad that she asks me if she's too high, and if her eyes won't work one day. We've been really open and honest with her and we want her to have all the information so she knows why I won't let her eat junk. I don't ever want her to feel like she's somehow broken, even though, she is. I know we are so blessed, so why should be sad about this? If it were me who had Type 1, great, but her...she's my baby. I don't like it. I hate that there is no light at the end of the tunnel...it just gets darker. I am however, thankful she's healthy and we've been so blessed in so many way. I've spent the morning crying. So now I'll just get on with my day and be done with feeling sad. Focus on the good. Focus on the good. I don't write so anyone feels bad, I write so I'll feel better.
Posts
25 comments:
Oh, Jen. I'm sorry. I know how awful it is to have to worry about those kinds of things. Right now, Brooklyn only has hypoglycemia, so the concern isn't as dire, but it could be someday, and I worry about it. And she has pre-fibro symptoms and a 54 degree spinal curve, and I think, "Couldn't I have given her better genes? Poor kid. What kind of suffering will she have to endure because of me?"
But, Heavenly Father will make her stronger and smarter as he will make Tae stronger and smarter because of this. It's a sucky way for it to happen, but it will be for her good. I see some of the kids Brooklyn knows in high school who are shallow and clueless because they haven't had to be refined. She and her friends who have had to be are closer to the Lord and have a stronger purpose in life. Someday, this will be to Tae's benefit. Though it still stinks, especially when you're the mom.
i needed a cry today. thank you. from one mom who has had to watch her baby suffer, from another. you are both incredibly beautiful, strong woman. prove to our Heavenly Father that you are indeed as strong as he knows you are. you can do hard things. love you.
holly
I love you Jen Ben. That's all. Just love you.
Amen to everything that has already been said. We love you and Tae and your family so much! I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this.
I am sorry you are having a rough day. It's okay to be sad & angry & cry your eyes out if you want to. This is a big deal and no mother wants to see their child suffer with anything, let alone a disease that can affect them in so many ways. You are an amazing mom and incredible woman. I admire you! Hang in there...sending hugs your way!!! Love you.
thanks you guys. your words really have lifted my spirits. xoxo
Jen!
Tae has the best parents ever! I know it's not easy. And I'm sorry today is a bad day. But, allow yourself the bad days, it's okay to get frustrated. You're human. And being so open with Tae about her diabetes is the best thing you can do for her. It will empower her to be aware of her body and how to take care of it. Lots of loves to all of you!
Trina
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way today. But I'm pretty sure that you are most definitely allowed to do so. I think I would absolutely feel all of those same feelings if I were in your situation.
Hang in there. Even though there is no cure, and even though I can't say "it gets better," just know that you are doing an absolutely marvelous job and you have an absolutely amazing little girl, who is smart and thoughtful and aware...just like her mama.
:::: BIG HUGS ::::
thanks mer. crying all over again.... :)
Dang it! I wasn't trying to make you cry more!!!! :( Love you.
You have such a beautiful way of expressing your feelings, even the sad ones...in a way that makes me cry too. It seems so unfair that she has to live with that. I can't even believe how tough she is about it! She's awesome. You're awesome. Love you!
I agree, you have an amazing way of expressing your feelings. I'm glad you're letting yourself feel how you feel. I think it helps you get on with life and deal with stuff when you let yourself take a break once in a while and just feel what you need to feel.
We love you all so much jen and Tae! I am SOO sorry little tae Tae has to deal with this and all the rest of you too. I just wish there was something I could do to help and I also desperately wish there was light at the end of the tunnel. I can't believe how well you and Tae deal with this day by day. she's amazing - I'm SO glad she realized she was low and told the teacher! Wow. You know she is so blessed to be able to do that. You know I wish I was there to help! I love love love you! You are doing an awesome job, you're a really really good mom!
well now you've made the pregnant one cry too.
i don't think she'd be as stong as she is without a mommy like you. you are the best one she could have been sent to and she's so strong and brave because of you. i can hardly imagine the blessings you are going to be given one day. love you both!
you are amazing and so honest with your feelings. I hope it gets better and these kinds of days are few and far between. LOVE you!
Tried to leave a comment the other day but my phone was being dumb. You and Tae are strong! It takes a strong and wonderful mother to detect, face, and fight with grace a physical challenge of one of her babies. Keep up the good fight lady.
I'm sorry that you have hard moments with this. But try to remain positive. I had a mission companion who has type 1 diabetes. She is living a totally normal life, she's married, and has two children. Some hard, bad things might happen to Tae. But they might not.
What else would you choose for Tae to go through? Do your best to give her the skills she needs, encourage her to eat what she needs to, and Be Happy! It's the best thing - to enjoy the life you have - because you won't have another one here on this earth.
Merry and Ruth Ann, thanks for the words but it doesn't make me feel better. It makes me feel like I'm never ever allowed to feel sad for my own baby. EVERYONE is entitled to their own feelings. Saying things like this only makes me want to NOT share my true feelings. I know your intentions are good, but I already know the things you have said. I agree with you, this is why I have not cried once for almost an entire year. I am greatly allowed one day of sadness. Everyone is. So I will take it.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Please excuse me.
I'm sorry. I understand wanting to be sad sometimes. Ignore these words for now, and when you are ready, THEN let them help you.
You're amazing. Tae is amazing. I love you both soo much!! I think it's really important to feel all the way through our feelings, even sad ones. Like Christine said, I think that's the only way we can move on and deal with our challenges. Otherwise all our energy goes to smothering and burying feelings and trying to feel another way when really we just need to feel all the way through the bad feelings and then be done with them for a while. I'm glad you allowed yourself a day to feel through the sadness, because it IS sad. Then you can go back to being strong and positive again. Love you!
I've said this before, and I will say it again: You are awesome and I wanted to be like you when I grow up!
I haven't read your blog in soooo long, or anyone elses either (so don't think you're special). I love you writing, I'm working on doing to more myself because there is so much in my life right now I never want to forget.
I've really thought a lot about you and Jasper and Tae, and diabetes. I know it's almost been a year since she was diagnosed and I am sure this last year has really changed your life as a family. I think a lot about how my cancer must have changed my parents young marriage and how my mom parented her newborn son. Tommy was born two weeks after I was diagnosed; my parents were 25 and 22. I don't know all of how it was for them but I'm sure it was awful at times.
For me, it's been awful at times but at the same time I count it as one of my greatest blessings. I hate it but I love it too and so grateful for it. One of my earliest memories is of being afraid during some test with x-ray equipment. I was alone in there; not even a tech to be with me because of the radiation I'm sure. It was dark and cold and there were loud noises and I was so scared. And then I remembered my parents telling me I could pray and ask for help anytime and anywhere I needed it. So I did. I remember even now, how it felt to feel the warmth of God's love for me that day. How I didn't feel scared anymore and how I knew I wasn't alone.
It's still an experience I lean on today when I feel nervous or anxious about something. Tae is a lucky girl, I am sure she will have times like that. Nothing else has brought me closer to the Savior than the experiences I've had while being sick. Nothing humbles me more and helps me realize how much I need His help. I am so blessed.
Not that you needed a pep talk, days after you were feeling this way but just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to have a broken body. And someday when I'm resurrected (remember resurrection is NOT based on obedience, so I'm good) you are going to here so loud, joyful screams so look out! Love you!
And please don't think I'm saying don't be sad or mad. I've definitely had my days of crying till my eyes swelled shut and when I found out I couldn't bare children; for months my prayers started with, "I am so mad right now that you will not heal me!!!! You've done it before, why won't you just fix me so I can have a baby? I'm only praying out of obedience and cause I know the gospel is still true, but just so you know; I'm really hurt, frustrated, and mad!" Somehow, even with months of that; I still felt His love for me. What a miracle! Love you tons!
Post a Comment