from mine to yours

This past weekend I was able to spend almost a week in Arizona. I went to visit Jana, and to do some work while I was there. It was so nice to be there. I loved spending time with Jana in her new adorable house, and with some really good friends. I usually go out with a group of friends while I'm there, but this time I thought it would be so good to spend one on one time with people. So often I find myself walking away from a group conversation thinking, did I even have one meaningful conversation?? Usually I don't. And really good conversation is something I love love love. I went out with my dear, long time friend Angie one night, and my friend from college Melanie.

I want to remind myself about a few things. I sat & ate with Mel for a few hours... I honestly was close to tears the entire time. It was a mixture of amazing isight she gave to me, the love I have for her, and the spirit. You know how sometimes you meet someone and instantly you have a connection? Like you've known them for years? That's how Mel was....is.

We talked a lot about motherhood. How neither of us feels like we're "gentle". And how much we each want to be. One of my goals on my mission was to be "quietly dignified". Uh, that was a big fat FAIL. That didn't seem to be in the cards for me. It's something I really have to strive for, and for so many it comes so naturally.

Ang I talked a lot about how the media just invites bad influences into our homes. So many times, on accident. It's something I've been feeling so strongly about. Protecting our homes at all costs. And just how volatile, scary and crazy the world can be. I want nothing more than for my own house to be a safe place. For my kids to safe from all the elements of the "world". Mel said she had just heard this quote: "When our priorities are not in order, we lose power". That hit me so deeply. The truth that it encompasses is great. When we let our priorities get mixed up, even in the least, we can lose power. We lose power over the spirit that is in our homes. When my priorities are not completely in line, I don't have the spirit as strongly and therefore I'm not as good of a mother as I am capable. I lose my temper easier when I don't pray and read my scriptures. I miss out on precious precious time with my children when I choose to spend it on the computer doing nothing of great importance. I miss out on enjoying motherhood and the small moments of joy when my mind is thinking about work, or other things of no heavenly consequence. Which is, I'm ashamed to say, often. When my priorities, even if what I'm doing is good, aren't in the correct order, I lose power. It is true.

The other thing that struck me; we talked a lot about anxiety. I have a battle with anxiety. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. She told me about something that someone told her. I thought it was nothing short of beautiful. She said every morning when she wakes up, she kneels to say her prayers. She envisions her children being cupped in her two hands right in front of her heart. She then passes them over to Heavenly Father, saying, here, here are your children....they are in your care today. This way anxiety is not ours to hold. The power is in Heavenly Fathers hands. I love the visual of this. I love that I can actually do this. I can ask Heavenly Father to not let me worry so deeply about things that are not in my control. And that those things that are in my control, I will be helped with if I seek it.