motherhood= guilt. but it shouldn't.

I seem to be having the same conversation with moms these days.  Ones that consist of discussing the guilt that accompanies motherhood.  It's easy to look at guilt with despise and wish it would go away.  But really I think guilt is our tool.  It's sometimes what pushes us towards becoming a better person.  But sometimes it can just make us want to give up.  Because when you're a mom, you do the same thing every day, hoping we'll do better than before. But still, we come up short.  Every day.  I hate self help books.  I hate them.  Every time I read them I feel like a failure.  I feel completely overwhelmed, and quite frankly annoyed that these people feel so proud of themselves that they want to tell me how to change myself.  OK, maybe that's not totally it, but I do think that sometimes.  It's just that I DO want to change myself, and when I know what I'm supposed to do change, you'd think it'd then be easy to change.  It's not.  At all.  In fact, it seems to be a lifelong process.  One that as a matter of fact, I may never actually achieve.  Seems unfair.  That I'm so human.  That I can't even be completely the mom I want to be for one entire day.  We give up so much to be a good mother.  To love our children, because we all know liking our children does not always come easily.  But, that's not talked about is it?  Why? Why can't we just talk about why it's hard.  We all talk about how fat we are now, and how we never get any sleep, and how sometimes we go for a week with no shower.  OK, I would never admit to that...gross. Or how our boobs are so saggy now, or the hideous stretch marks that cover the skin that encases our wombs. We go through a lot physically.  We go through even more emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
I used to often go to bed guilt ridden.  I was exhausted from the day.  From the whining.  The constant whining.  And having to do everything for everyone.  Then I felt even guiltier for feeling like I shouldn't feel guilty.  What the.....Now that my children are getting older it's not so intense.  Thank goodness.  Because that my friend, was hard.  Now days we moms have blogs, and facebook and endless nanny 911 shows and neighbors and church and on and on. Everywhere we look we can see what "perfect" mom's surround us.  All because we read their posts, and look at their pictures.  What we can't see is what's behind the computer.  Or the smiling faces.  My guess is there are a lot of mom's like me.  Guilt ridden moms.  The despair plagued moms.  The mom's who cry themselves to sleep at night because it's too hard.  Because they don't feel like they're cut out to be a mom.  Because many days they don't even want to be a mom.  I feel like on my mission again where every small weakness was magnified ten fold.
This plague used to consume me much more than it does today.  Maybe because I gave up on the self help books.  Or because I decided, you know what, I'm going to just forgive myself and try again tomorrow.  Asking for the spirit to help me along this path.
Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom.  I do, with all my heart.  I love my children more than I thought I could ever love anything, or anyone.  And it grows with time.  Even when I didn't think my heart could grow anymore, it does.  Motherhood is rewarding in tiny moments.  In sometimes really silly moments.  Like when I teach them something and they actually get it.  Or when I see them from a distance and they are just....them.  And my heart melts.  Because they are mine.
So why are we so hard on ourselves?  I don't ever recall a time when Jasper flopped himself on our bed in tears and said "I'm just not a good dad!!" "I'm not cut out to be dad!"  That would be a sight though.  Why do we think we have to do everything so perfectly?  This is impossible.  It simply is.  The best we can do, is the best we can do. And that's OK.  In one of these conversations this week we talked about Matthew 5:48 which reads "Be ye therfore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect".  That's a lot of pressure people. But if you look at the footnotes, under perfect, is reads, "complete, finished, fully developed....potential to become"  Complete...finished...developed...potential.  We are all those things. If we are simply TRYING we are working towards perfection as it pertains to this scripture.  This scripture also references  3Nephi 19:29  "....because of their faith, that they may be purifies in me, that I may be in them as thou, Father, art in me, that we may be one".  So what these footnotes tell me about being perfect is that we TRY, and then that we through faith use the atonement of Jesus Christ to become one with God.  That God knows I will NEVER be perfect on my own.  Ever.  But what we lack, Christ will make up.  That I'm not yet complete, or finished, but I'm in the process.  That through Jesus Christ infinite and amazing atonement, my imperfections, can be made perfect. I know this is true.  Because even as I type those words, I feel the spirit.
We are simply visitors on this earth.  It's like a mini stop off.  But it often doesn't feel mini.  It can feel insurmountable.  I would like to tell you....be kind to yourself.  Allow yourself to feel what you feel.  If you feel guilt, feel it and then move forward.  If you have extreme guilt or depression, talk to someone about it.  It's nothing to ever be ashamed of.  If you need extra help, get it.  God knows this life will not be easy.  But the reward will be great.  Greater than we can ever comprehend.  Our children will not have a perfect mother.  Could someone else do a better job raising my children?  Probably.  But they're mine and I'm supposed to raise them.  So I better just do the best I can. Forgiving myself and then moving forward and trying harder.  Every day.

Please share your thoughts!!!!

***I never proof read.  I jump from third person to first person to 8th person.  :)  Sorry.